howeverbrief: (Temp)
Hello, we have returned. We got back from Iceland at midnight Wednesday actually, but since there's a seven-hour time difference (and Mike's been sick on top of it with a cold he got in the last days we were there), we've both been struggling to get back to some kind of normal in the past four days. I always tend to forget just how disorienting and weird jet-lag is until I experience it again. It was especially jarring waking up that first night and seeing Icelandic mountains in my bedroom instead of knowing where I was, but it gets better day by day. Soon we won't notice it at all.

It has been somewhat bittersweet being back. While there were definitely some fiascos, really the trip as a whole was very nice and different from anything we've experienced so far. I plan on going into details about the trip soon, but for now I'm mostly trying not to be bummed out about having to go back to work. I'm pretty sure this is the longest time in the five and a half years I've worked for the state that I've been away (not counting surgeries, but even then, maybe not), and it feels very surreal. Usually I'm more than ready to get back and buckle down into work, but this has been more of a break, I suppose.

I think part of it is the very real prospect of session starting again in February, and I have no more set time off between now and then. Well, that and needing to get some house repairs done before session comes (and hopefully succeeding in that because winter's coming up fairly quickly and I feel like we're running out of time again). I'm also not sure what's going to happen in the next year (or really what I even want to happen in the next year), so that's kind of terrifying. So it goes, the never-ending song of the sort-of adult I am, I guess. I'd much rather be in Iceland, where our only care at night was planning the next day's driving and wondering if the shower was going to be quite as bad as the previous place we stayed at, but I digress. It's okay. If not, it's going to be okay.

Anyway, Iceland posts coming soon.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I thought about poetry today. I used to think about poetry quite a lot, and now it only slips in sometimes when I'm trying not to think too hard about other things. Living in the moment has never been my strong suit, and the so-called walking meditation I attempt when I'm stressed out from working too many hours feels like an exercise in futility some days. I never write anything down. There's only so much you can do on any given day.

This session seems to be taking a lot more out of me than the previous two, probably because of the supervisory component of my day-to-day activities. It feels like wading through quicksand a lot of the time. I'm pretty lucky that I have mostly good workers who show up and do their jobs, but at the same time, it is not a perfect system. Nothing really is. I don't really want to go into details at the moment, though. It doesn't really do anything. Plus, Mike hears enough about it whenever we actually see each other.

20 days on, and two days off. I actually also got Wednesday afternoon off as well, but I find it very hard to relax. I ended up cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, shopping, reorganizing, going on several walks, sleeping, cleaning cat water bowls, taking apart and reassembling the sinks in the master because mine smells funny (and still does, damn it), and pulling weeds among going out to a few meals and grocery shopping and whatever else I forgot. There always seem to be a million things to do, and it feels like they get compounded when you're away for basically three weeks. Not that I can keep up normally, but it feels especially hard lately, even though I have a lot of good help this time around that I'm very thankful for. (Sorry you're in Livermore, Mike. We'll be back together soon, and hopefully for more than a few hours.)

I don't know. I need a new perspective, I think. We're almost halfway through, and we're headed east in July. Just got to find the motivation to keep going. Just got to keep finding ways to make a fresh start.
howeverbrief: (Black)
I see the Writer's Block involves vaccination. I rolled my eyes and didn't read the whole thing. My brother and Mike's nephew Alex are both on the autism scale, with my brother leaning more toward what was called Asperger's and Alex leaning more toward very high-functioning autism. I entirely doubt this has anything to do with the fact they were vaccinated, especially given the science that has discredited the initial study that suggested vaccination causes autism. I'm also very glad they both were vaccinated because they are some of the best people I know. They are who they are, autism spectrum or not, and they're also still alive. Autism isn't the enemy, and people shouldn't be scared of it. When it comes to diseases that have been already cured for many years, I'm always going to argue for the cure. I've tried to see the other side's point of view, and I just can't. I think it is dangerous and misinformed at best. If this makes me hypocritical about this particular issue, I don't care.

Last weekend was Valentine's day and our three-year anniversary of the day we met. (It seems both longer and shorter than that somehow.) Mike made dinner on Valentine's day, and we had lunch with my parents on our anniversary so we could spend the evening together as well. It was nice that we had the whole weekend off, even if I had to use some of it to do general maintenance, which is what happens when you don't have too many days off in a row-- stuff like get haircuts and clean house and try to recharge while also spend time with people you don't get to see otherwise. It's a bit hard to manage to be honest, but it works, I guess.

More on Valentine's day: Mike got me this dude (Steggy) because I'm weird and obsessed with dinosaurs lately. Also, heh, something sexy. I got him AIDS and a Jesse, also because I'm weird. (AIDS is forever!) Mike made Oysters Rockefeller and tried and failed to make pizza (frozen and thawed pizza dough is the devil), and I made raspberry claufoutis which turned out pretty tasty (even though Mike still cooks way more than I do).

More on the 15th: Mom is doing pretty well. Her grip is coming back, and since she doesn't have a cast and doesn't have to wear a sling, it's not readily apparent she broke her arm. We had a very nice lunch at Tahoe Ridge Winery (a local winery in Minden that is opening a branch very close to our house soon), and afterward, it was fun to do a little infused olive oil tasting (they have a lot of different olive and balsamic oils). Mike ended up getting basil oil and cinnamon pear balsamic for other cooking adventures. After running more errands, we had dinner and watched Punch Drunk Love because our TV was still broken.

Hmm, what else happened this week? Right, a technician came out and fixed the TV. From what Mike said, the screen and motherboard had to be replaced entirely, and when I came home on Tuesday, the screen stayed on for more than five minutes! Just subtract from that the fact that the colors still get inverted from time to time. Ugh. We're pretty sure that the HD cables are to blame now, but if we replace those and are still having problems, we're going to have a serious talk with Directv, mostly because this has been going on for far too long and we have a bit of a background noise addiction that has been highlighted in recent weeks.

However, we encountered a new problem Wednesday that needed a more immediate fix this weekend. I had noticed that our queen-sized bed, which I've had since I was about 14, has been very squeaky lately. The baseboard has been separating from the sideboard, and I've been pushing them back together in the hopes that they won't break.

You know where I'm going with this.

Mike hopped on the bed Wednesday night, and I noticed that the joint was separated more than usual. I made him get off the bed to check out the situation and see if I could strengthen it somehow, but Mike hopped on it again, and the screws gave and tore right out of the wood, banging that corner of the bed onto the floor. I panicked and called my mom, thinking she might have an idea on how to fix it but to no avail. It's done. We dismantled it, put the pieces in the guest room, and have been sleeping on the mattress on the floor since. We're going to try to find a way to donate the headboard and baseboard somewhere, but we have no way to make it work for us again.

That did give us a chance to upgrade to a king bed with a new mattress yesterday, though. ;) The actual buying of the bed and mattress process wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, but trying to find a comforter set proved to be much more complicated than I thought, maybe because I thought Mike wouldn't care at all but surprised me by giving me lots of input and searching several stores then the internet with me until we found what would work.

What's funny about that is he actually just ordered the set we're going to use as I was typing this, so that's a bit of a ridiculous two-day process over what's basically a blanket and pillows. It's pretty though.

Poor Mike. Sorry you've been stuck in domestic hell lately. We ought to be set up by next Saturday hopefully.

Other than that, Mike's in Livermore for the monthly sales meeting. I worked two hours today. This is mostly babbling without a point. The cat is snoring behind me, and my feet are freezing. So it goes.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I've been in the process of reorganizing since before Mike's parents came last month.Kitchen )

Long story short, I think we're just about there with organization at the moment, which works out since session is rapidly approaching and I won't be able to fix much of anything in the coming months. The one sad part of today is Mike spent a good chunk of the evening wrestling with some low carb pizza dough, finally getting it to where he wanted, and when he went to pull the finished pizza out of the oven, it flipped over and landed toppings down on the oven door. Boo. Poor guy. Oh well. We got Round Table instead, so it wasn't a total loss.

I ought to go to bed soon, I suppose. Work tomorrow. I don't wanna.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I've been very bad at keeping up with this thing. Oh well. A little at a time, I guess. I've been in overdrive lately, besides still being exhausted and feeling like I still haven't quite caught up from special session two weeks ago.

What was nice about the week after session ended is I already had Tuesday and Wednesday off because I scheduled it months ago so I could get x-rays one day and see my foot doctor the next. That appointment went very well. He said that I was pretty much healed (besides my osteopenia, which should keep going away) and that I should continue to get better and better. Because my mom has been to all of these appointments, she was there to ask if physical therapy was necessary anymore. The doctor said if I felt I wasn't making progress, I could quit; so I called them later that day and cancelled the rest of my appointments. I've been pretty frustrated with it for a while, so even though I still have work to do, this is a good thing. I've been trying to keep up with the exercises I was doing there and walking a ton because of fitbit and the walking challenge, so I think I'll get there eventually even if my foot still hurts most of the time.

We also got some new furniture delivered, which I think has helped us out in terms of organizing our house, but that's definitely an ongoing project considering we're experiencing some storage issues recently. Oh well. I will figure that one out soon I hope.

This week, work has been fairly slow, which has been very strange. It feels weird to go from deadlines and craziness to little to nothing being important. It's a bit of whiplash, really. Still, I know it won't be long before we're in ridiculous mode again, so I'm okay with this for now. I need a little bit of time to prepare for the new hires (not sure when they'll come, but I get to train them, so goody), and there's plenty still to do that doesn't involve session. I just hope we get it all done before it gets crazy again. Yikes.

On Thursday, Mike's parents came into town. They started a road trip that will take them from their home in New Mexico through Vegas and Carson City, up through the Boise and Pocatello area, down to Salt Lake and then back home, all in a few weeks. On this leg, they stopped here for the weekend to stay with us, and I think it went pretty well. Mike made New Mexican lasagne for dinner on Thursday and showed them around Reno and Tahoe Friday because I had to work. Yesterday, my parents came up to have brunch with all of us at Adele's (which I'm happy to report they liked, since that's apparently very hard to do), and we found a jacket for Mike's dad because he forgot to pack one. Other than that, we kind of hung around, had El Pollo Loco for dinner, then played Trivial Pursuit. They left early this morning, and I believe I heard they've already made it to Idaho. Phew! Sounds a bit grueling, but they're making good time.

Otherwise, today has been pretty lazy. I walked this morning. Mike and I went grocery shopping for our short week here. I am in the midst of laundry. The floors got semi-vacuumed before I ran out of motivation. Mike had to go to Livermore this afternoon for his monthly sales meeting, but he'll be back tomorrow. Also, hey, it's sunny after a few days of rain, so that's pretty pleasant. I think we're mostly looking forward to our trip to Texas later in the week. We leave on Thursday and are staying with Mike's friend Vanessa and her family. We also get to see a lot of his college friends (we're going to a fifth anniversary party of one of his friends because he didn't get to go to the wedding) and do some touristy stuff since I've never been outside the airport in Texas. Should be fun. Hopefully all goes well.

The only thing I'm slightly concerned about is Kiki. Last night I noticed a sore spot on her left front leg where it looks like she has worn away her fur and started gnawing away at her skin. :( This happened once before after she had the abscess drained from her back, which makes me wonder if maybe she's having some health or anxiety problems since there have been more people in the house the last few days, but I don't know. I'm keeping an eye on it and will go to the vet if it gets any worse, but any other suggestions as to why might be helpful.

Anyway, I kind of want to go veg some more, so that's it for now. Hopefully I can keep this up a little better in the coming weeks. Given my track record, I have no idea how long that hope will last. Oh well. It is what it is.

EDIT: Somehow I forgot to mention that my older sister Katie visited last weekend so she could get a new car, and my brother ended up getting a new one too. Sheesh. Way too much is going on recently. Calm would be nice. Maybe in a few more weeks, haha.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Jeezy creezy, how long has it been? Well, I looked at the grease burn on my hand yesterday and remembered I got it last week, and even that feels like it happened so long ago that I could barely believe it.

I guess I should back up.

Last Thursday, Nevada's governor held a press conference that basically said that Tesla (the big fancy electric car company) had finally chosen our state for their huge gigafactory after months of dicking us, California, New Mexico, and Texas around. This has the potential to be great news, as it would be a huge economic boom for Nevada in terms of jobs and investments. However, in order to broker this deal, the Governor had to get the legislature to approve it.

Ah ha, there's the catch. The governor had to call a special session to do that.

I spent most of Friday worried that I wouldn't be able to go on the weekend trip that Mike had planned for our anniversary, which was Sunday. We were lucky, though. Work told us Friday afternoon that we would have to come in on Sunday at noon to prepare for special session, which gave me and Mike time to stay at the beautiful condo Mike rented for two nights. We ended up barbecuing, using their jacuzzi, running around Tahoe a bit and generally enjoying what time we had. The only real downside to the trip was the aforementioned grease burns on my hand and foot, which happened when Mike was frying bacon next to me for breakfast, but given the rest of the trip and all he did while I was neck deep in work (cooking, grocery shopping, and laundry!), I can't really hold it against him. He's really very sweet. Hopefully the scrapbook I made (which arrived after our anniversary, so he got to open it while I was working late one night) was an acceptable consolation prize. He did get year-old frozen cake out of the deal too. Haha.

Work from Sunday at noon on was insane. I think I worked more hours of overtime from Monday to Thursday than I did regular hours; and we had more than our fair share of hiccups because certain parts of our program hadn't been tested completely for the random out-of-nowhere session; but we made it through somehow. Hell, considering we had less than half of the staff we usually have during a regular session (because of temporary positions, people on vacation, and a sudden death in the family of one of our managers), I think we did pretty well. The legislature passed their four bills, and now it's up to Tesla to follow through. We'll see what happens.

What's more important for me is session ended Thursday around 10:00 at night, so now maybe we can get back to the projects we were working on before. My boss was kind enough to get Friday off for our unit, which was probably pretty wise because we wouldn't have been very productive after all that. I've still managed to overdo it this weekend with the projects (and the fitbit), but it's still been nice to have the time off to kind of pick up where I left off on personal things as well as continue to organize parts of the house which aren't so efficient right now. We also bought more furniture, but I think we're nearing the end of our upgrades in that department. Neverending tasks, you know.

Anyway, life is pretty positive at the moment. I'm running short of motivation at the moment, but hopefully we can keep this momentum going.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
So... I believe when I posted last, I mentioned we were going to California for the weekend. That went pretty well. It was nice to see my sister, her partner and my aunts, though we arrived pretty late both nights and I think irritated both of them. Oops. I guess I should have planned that better. Saturday, we got to hang out at the beach then go to Thai food with my aunts, and Sunday, we hung out at a park eating massive sandwiches before heading to the Haight for a little shopping with the Katies. It was hard to leave, knowing I wouldn't see them again until probably after session is over, but that's life.

Mike had to go to Livermore to prepare for his meeting early Monday, so we left Sunday night and stayed in a hotel. I took him to work early, went back to the hotel to sleep, exercise and eat, then left at checkout time at noon. After driving around for a bit because I had no idea how to get around Livermore, I was able to use our GPS to go to some high-end outlet stores and find a suit and purse for work. Pretty sweet. After Mike's meeting was over, we drove to Roseville, had massive cheeseburgers and stayed the night at another hotel because it was already pretty late. We got back home Tuesday, and we've been playing a bit of catch-up since then.

Today was also fairly productive. Mike won a TV through a work promotion (which turned into a $500 gift card somehow), and we were able to look at TVs and set up an appointment for installation for the one we bought. After we got home from the farmer's market (also fun, nice to get some local produce) and grocery store, I enlisted Mike's help in moving around the furniture in the living room, and the arrangement is a lot more useful for us. When I moved in, I had just the chair I sit in constantly and the couch, which seemed to make more sense in the middle of the room since I was the only one who had to deal with it. With Mike adding a chair to the mix, we've had a less efficient use of space for two people. We basically switched the chairs with the couch, and it allows us both to see the TV a little more clearly as well as share an end table. It's nice to change it up, and with the additions of the shelves and rug upstairs, the house feels a lot more functional lately. It's pretty nice.

There's other less pleasant stuff going on right now, but hopefully life will work itself out soon.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
So I got to see Aurora and my younger siblings this weekend. Mike was invited to a golf tournament; but he's never played golf before; so he enlisted my brother to teach him. That sounded dull to watch, so I visited Aurora instead, where we caught up and watched her two-year-old drag toys into the room they'd just cleaned. Heh. She's having a little boy in November, so it'll be interesting to see how the dynamic changes. Not that I see her much to begin with, but I'm still excited for her.

She has this warning, though-- "Kids ruin your relationship." (Ah, but I already know we're not having kids any time soon if we can help it, so I can put off thinking about that. Like I will.) It was very nice to see her, though. Been too long.

After Mike and Mike finished golfing, which I heard went pretty well, we joined Siobhan for sushi, where the fish was good but the service was terrible. Both of my siblings are having similar work issues, where they're working more hours than they're supposed to. Siobhan at least likes her work at the children's museum. Michael makes it sound like they're trying to break him at the news station. He's been there a long time, though, and they've began merging with another station recently. So that kind of sucks.

We did a little shopping after that (because Mike won a work contest and had the option of either a gift card or a TV, so he wanted to see what he might be able to get if he accepted the gift card) then headed home.

Yesterday I dragged him all over town because I've had some ideas about organizing the upstairs rooms rattling around in my head for a while and finally couldn't stand putting it off anymore. I've wanted to put a rug in the landing between the bedrooms since I moved in, but I never got around to it because we don't tend to use that room for much to begin with and it's easy to forget about. We picked up a semi-cheap one at World Market, which looks pretty nice. I didn't think it would change the room as much as it did, really. I'm probably just not used to it yet. We also picked up a set of shelves for Mike's office because it's been hard for him to store all of his food broker stuff in there without just leaving it in a pile on the floor. We were also able to move the cat box out of there and into the landing on the new rug, so hopefully that will both create room in the office and get the cats to use that box (because the cats have THREE litter boxes in this house and only use ONE with regularity, ugh).

My last idea for that room right now involves some sort of comfy chair for Mike to sit in and work, since he works mostly out of the house and is pretty much relegated to his downstairs recliner for work, which is probably not always the best place. We looked at a local furniture store but didn't settle on anything. However, there are lots of options out there, and since Mike organized his broker stuff today, we have a lot more room to play with now.

Pretty social and productive overall.

Today I got my Fitbit in the mail. What's the Fitbit's story? Well, the governor has issued a challenge for state workers to walk 150,000 steps per month for September and October in honor of Nevada's 150th birthday. This sounds impressive, but it mostly means you need to average about 5,000 steps per day, which I'm pretty sure I get most days. I did, however, like the idea of getting a pedometer that automatically counts my steps, estimated calories burned, and distance walked as well as synchs to a computer and makes graphs and stuff with that information. Oh, and getting the fancy-pants pedometer for half off was a definite incentive. Pretty sweet. I can already see myself getting obsessive with it, probably because I can manually imput my weight, other physical activities, and food intake, but we'll see how it goes. I'm still going to lose all my free time in a few months time, but hey, sweet pedometer is pedometer. Plus if I meet the challenge, I get some sort of certificate, so that's kind of cool. (There are to-be-determined prizes for the top walkers that are Nevada-themed. Amusing, but I'm not going to pull out my competitive spirit for that, especially since every step I take is still pretty painful. The current goal is pretty doable, though. Maybe I can get a little more depending on how things go.)

I have two more days of work this week. We've been working on a big project, but it has tapered off for now. I was able to get some more of my backlog of backburner work done, which is good. I'm taking a few days off and going to Livermore with Mike for his monthly sales meeting. Well, I'm not going because of the sales meeting. More he's already going and I'm commandeering his trip to go see my aunts and sister before I'm unable to (which is what I wanted to do last month before it fell through). We're going to stay at my aunts' place on Friday evening, hang out with them Saturday, drive up to Katie's place to stay with them Saturday night, then head to Livermore sometime Sunday. Not sure what I'm going to do while Mike is in his sales meeting, but we'll figure it out.

Anyway, I think that about brings us up to date. I ought to go do something more productive with my time, but whatever. At least there's not a lot left to this week.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
+Walked almost 40 minutes this morning, which is close to the pace I used to have, because my physical therapist suggested I start trying to take longer strides again.
-Got pretty sunburned in the process.
+Ate delicious food at Villa Basque Deli and Cafe, which doesn't have a proper website but has been up and running for 30 years. Pretty good odds for repeat visits, I'd say.
+Got a steam mop for cleaning the hardwood floors, which was a little spendy but totally a delight to work with. I cleaned the floors in about the time it took to wash a load of clothes, which is a vast improvement considering how much I hate mopping. Would do again.
-The cat food we buy in bulk (specifically, their indoor, advanced age and hairball treatment food that they love) was only being sold in a small bag at the pet store. Mike had to find a way to order some online. First world problems.
+Didn't spend too much on groceries because we were full and didn't have a lot on our list. This might backfire later in the week when we don't know what to have for dinner, but it was nice to save a little money.
+/-It rained. (Plus because it's good for our drought. Minus because it's making all my joints scream.)
-I managed to trip on my computer cord and fall pretty hard on my knees and somehow scrape up the toes on my good foot at the same time. That sucked. Hopefully it won't be too bad tomorrow.
+Mike made sausage and grits for dinner. He's feeling a little better after his endoscopy procedure on Thursday, and it looks promising that he doesn't have Celiac's Disease, though his stomach is inflamed, the doctor took a polyp from the bottom of his esophagus and he might have ulcers. Still waiting for the results on that, but he seems okay if not sore.
+Mike also got a different C-PAP machine which seems to be working better for him and not waking me up as much. So far, so good.
-The ceiling fan in our master bedroom is semi-broken and only works when it wants to right now, which is unfortunate because we can't simultaneously leave the sliding door open at night (which would help with the heat in the room) and set the alarm (which helps calm my anxiety concerning other people). Boo.
-My sister's dog (who I looked after for two years and was a little over eleven years old) died a few days ago from a heart condition. :(
+The laundry just dinged, so that means I can go to bed soon.

And I still haven't updated about our recent vacation to Cedar City, but hopefully I'll get motivated to do so before too many other things happen and I forget. There are at least some nice pictures up on facebook. Shrug.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I couldn't sleep part of last night because our screen door vibrates and makes terrible noises in high wind (and damn me for not remembering to get that fixed until it's 4:00 in the morning and I can't sleep). So, I went into the guest bedroom and stayed awake for a few hours because the window in there also rattles in the wind.

Anyway, by the time the wind stopped and I slept, I had a dream about the guest room, which was huge. The bed had moved to the middle of the room while I was sleeping, and everything else in the room was pleasantly arranged with junk. I went to move the bed, which was really easy to lift, back against the wall. When I went to move the exercise bike Mike got me for Christmas (and I've gotten to use twice since then), I realized my foot was still broken. I pushed the bike into place on one foot somehow (because I'm really adept at hopping around now, I guess?), and then went to move a collection of magnifying glasses to their place on the mantle (because I now had a fireplace in my guest bedroom).

And yes, around this time, I realized this was a complete fantasy world and woke up again, pretty close to when my alarm was supposed to go off. I guess this is slightly better than the dream I had where an ex came to visit me because he said he couldn't stand being away from me anymore, and I told him I was married to a different ex, which then confused me because I couldn't remember getting married to him. That's... awesome?

Thanks, wind!

Mm Hm

May. 28th, 2012 10:05 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
I clean for three different reasons these days:

1. I'm getting ready for something;
2. I'm generally maintaining my place; or
3. I'm avoiding thinking about/doing something else.

At least I feel accomplished after finishing with my cleaning if doing so for the first two reasons. You know, "Hey, I set out what I wanted to do, and I did it. Looks nice in here," etc. Unfortunately, I was laboring under the last reason tonight, and that mostly ends up with, "Oh, it's cleaner in here, I guess. Still have my problem, though." Oh well.

It'll be okay. I'll miss you though.

Pink Salmon

Apr. 4th, 2012 06:13 pm
howeverbrief: (Ink)
"Pink Salmon Story"
How many stories can we pile
one stacked against the other
competing for space against urgent deadlines
paying bills, setting the alarm, and
you, here now

Somewhere buried underneath, another life
between you and me

Oh, how funny it all was
and there he was and there we were and oh,
how apropos

(Until one actually starts to speak, then
oh, I guess you really had to be there, and
only one other person, long gone, was.)

That's how, years later,
you'll catch yourself quiet
When you end up with a can of
pink salmon in your hand
thinking about broken bone and
bits of spine and how
you'll never eat that stuff again
-November 13, 2011 (Mostly, had the idea then and finished it today)

"End of the Line"
All this talk of loving and losing and
not knowing what you've got until
someone's shouting, "It's the end of the line!"
So it is, so it is.
Somehow whizzing past the terminals and all
the stops you could have taken
Alas, no. Not for you when all you have
left is a hollow chest and the words,
barely resonating in the tunnels--
"I guess it's not meant to be."
And how long have we been dead, love
too bone-weary to lift our heads and carry
these dusty travel cases away;
How long would we have suffered the fledgling
silence
that grew our journeyed hearts astray?
-March 3, 2012

I went to bed at 11 last night. I wish I could say I slept until my alarm went off at 7 this morning. That would have been nice, considering I was exhausted when I tried to go to bed. Instead, wind slammed against my house repeatedly and woke me up (or maybe I never really slept) until 2:30 when I gave up trying to sleep in my master and went to the guest room, where I made the bed and tried to sleep there. Turns out the wind also likes to rattle the window in that room. Sigh. I tried my master again and finally got to sleep some time after that, but I'm pretty sure I woke up again a few times before I had to get up for work anyway.

Note to self-- try to remember to get the stupid sliding glass door in your master fixed because the seal is broken (which you knew when you moved in here) and this happens every single time it's really windy. Way to drop the ball on that. Again.

Okay, I think I'm done complaining now. Maybe it won't be windy tonight and I won't have to be on auto-pilot again tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
All right, we're done with the angst. One night with my thoughts is quite enough. It doesn't change what happened, but there's no use in worrying about that either. It's probably a good sign that I can laugh about this shit the next morning even when it's not all that funny. Everything will be okay. I'm sure of it.

Dumb dreams I had about houses, more for my own record because they weren't very interesting )

On an entirely different note, today is probably going to be a pretty lazy day. When I was up in Reno last weekend celebrating my dad's birthday, he mentioned that Young Frankenstein (the play) was going to be in town this weekend. Since he works at the news station, he can sometimes get free tickets to plays and such, but I didn't really get back to him in time. I think subconsciously I didn't want to go anywhere this weekend. Besides, this gives me the opportunity to futz around with the crockpot and make the chili I didn't have the time to make last weekend, which will be cool (I hope!). Maybe I'll throw that together and take a walk or something. Maybe work on my knitting or do some rudimentary cleaning (bleh, maybe not). Other than that, not too much going on. Should be quite excellent.

Anyway, time to go break down some onions and get this chili party started.

EDIT: Chili was delicious, but very mild. Next time, it'll be spicier. SPICIER, I SAY!

Another Day

Aug. 4th, 2011 07:22 pm
howeverbrief: (Black)
I think livejournal is back up now, yes? Man, I don't know. I'm going to try this again and see if it works.

Qwantz talks Aladdin, 17th Century style (the alt text is the best)
AND
A Softer World talks about how we're all cyborgs now

But what am I talking about? If you've been around for any of these comic link posts, you probably read these two comics already, right? RIGHT?!

WAIT! Here's one I don't talk about often. Matriculated thinks you should blame the government!

Anyway, yeah. Found out today we're losing another proofreader in our department, only this time she's a second proofreader who's been there over six years. Gah! Kind of scared about that, considering we're already looking down the barrel of more overtime to get everything done by November. It will all get done somehow, I guess. It has to.

Also, I forgot how hard it is to work all day then come home and try to do freelance work. Ballz. But think of the money and the experience (especially since you just bought a dining room table which is being delivered on Saturday, excited OMG)! Probably should have at least tried to get acclimated to working again before taking this on after my week-long snoozy vacation visiting family and friends (the entry about which I still haven't gotten around to posting yet, oops). I'm super dumb sometimes. Oh well. Jump in face first. Sort it all out later when the bruises start to heal.

And my stomach is doing this weird thing where the muscle or something is twitching? I blame exercising. Well, it's either that or I'm pregnant. Ha, just kidding. That's not even close to being true, Ms. Going-to-be-single-until-the-end-of-days.

Okay, I need to stop procrastinating and posting rambly entries about nothing. Maybe if I get started soon, I won't go to bed at 11:30 or 12 and wake up tired again tomorrow. We'll see if that's even remotely possible. Later, all.
howeverbrief: (Default)
All right, I made it back from California yesterday, and I had a nice birthday on top of that. Sweet. Unfortunately, livejournal seems to be experiencing issues, and I probably should get some more stuff done around the house before I devote time to writing an entry on things (though I did get the phone fixed today, which is good since my alarm system relies on it and all, and I'll also mention that I'm proud the cats didn't completely destroy the house while I was gone). Anyway, I just wanted to check in. I'll be back around when livejournal is a bit more stable.

Missing

Jul. 19th, 2011 10:42 pm
howeverbrief: (Ink)
I talk a lot about missing things-- bits of previous versions of my life and self, yes, perhaps certain situations that are best left to theory and speculation rather than actual experience, tastes and smells and places that evoke the long-stoppered winds of innocent and blissful ignorance, but people mostly. Mostly people.

Missing being what it is, I can almost forget what a day is supposed to feel like. One gets wrapped up in the current moment, always shifting papers around and chatting with coworkers and eating sandwiches and gathering up what's left at the end of the day. There's always something to be done, always another chore waiting in the wings. It's almost nice that there's perpetually a stack of dishes to be washed, a floor that will never quite come clean, counters to be scrubbed of various attempts to be domestic. It's all right to flop on the couch and flick on the television and pretend there's nothing more to life, nothing more than doing your work well and using the rest of your time to do jack all so long as the majority looks good on paper. It's easy enough to lull myself to sleep at night and passively hope that the best is still in front of me, yet to come.

Forgetfulness is an essential part of missing. One lets things slip out of view just long enough for the emptiness to take hold, to settle in and make itself comfortable and familiar. Once established, it is child's play for a stray snippet of conversation, an unplanned recognition, a coincidental rediscovery that cracks the consciousness to knock you off your well-kept axis, if only for a brief instant. It appears without fanfare but is fast-moving in its cunning and devastation. That's all it takes-- one instant to shatter your facade and send you reeling, frantic to glue all the pieces back together. Surprise!

Oh, it isn't just the missing. It's being confronted with what you've lost, what you wish you had, what you may never see again. It's the great enormity and stark contrast between what's in front of you and what you know very well can't be-- the haves and the have nots in sharp relief and nothing to do but look on helplessly and attempt to keep yourself balanced even if it would be simpler to fall and let it wash over you and into your lungs and wear you out, out, out.

I would have hoped that my personal (and at times quite ridiculous) act of missing would have died down by now, but, while not as deliberate, I don't know if it will ever dissipate completely. Being limited as we all are, I can't see that far ahead. Still, being who I am, I doubt I have much of a choice. Despite all my loneliness, all my introverted hiding from the rest of the world, all my shut down, can't-take-it-anymore whining and righteous indignation over past miscommunications and ill-treatment and mistaken interpretations and overly sensitive catches in my chest, no matter how many times I've been hurt, infuriated, humiliated, confused, heartbroken, flabbergasted, and ultimately betrayed--

For me, it always seems to come back to people.
howeverbrief: (Default)
Geez, what a weekend. I'm just now starting to feel alive again after waking up with a soul-crushing hangover. It's not that I drank a lot. It was drinking white then red wine, having a small nip of bourbon, and nursing half a beer over the course of having dinner/messing around with my family in Smith. I always forget the terrible effects of mixing alcohol until the morning after. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now. Also, we went swimming then hung out in the hot tub. I crashed around 1:30 while the rest of the crew went to bed at either 3:30 or 4:00 this morning. Oh, and I woke up at 7:00 anyway and gave up on sleeping around 9:00, which gave me time to walk down the road a bit and probably dehydrate myself even more. I'm not used to this at all anymore. My tolerance is really quite pathetic, but I don't really see that as a bad thing.

What spurred all this is my older sister Katie coming to town with her girlfriend (also Katie), which hasn't happened since around Christmas. We were having trouble figuring out when the last time the whole family was in Smith last, considering the Katies live in San Fransisco and it's getting harder and harder to get four siblings to come together at the same time. Kind of odd. My mom tore cartilage in her knee earlier in the week but somehow managed to make a fantastic spaghetti dinner for everyone anyway. We took the family Christmas picture (hopefully). I talked politics with my dad a bit (which is always annoying, especially when he starts talking about how he kind of agrees with the tea party, ugh), but I just left it alone for the most part. There's too much I know about Nevada politics behind the scenes that I can't talk about to be of much use in political conversations anyway. It was nice that no one fought with each other, though, even if it's still strange that my parents live in separate houses. Also, I really need to get more of my junk off their hands soon since I have more of a permanent place to live now. Hmm.

I'm still not sure what's going on with my vacation later this month. I have the week around my birthday blocked off, and I originally wanted to visit San Fransisco (as long as certain people who also live in that area don't find out about it). I'm currently going back and forth about it, but I need to figure it out soon if I'm going. I'm on the fence because the pastry company Katie works for is opening their storefront that week, and my Aunt Moya has to work most of the days I want to go. Plus, I'm not sure how long I can leave my cats alone, since I don't know anyone who would be willing to look in on them who doesn't live 40 minutes away. Last night was the first night I've been away since I moved here, but they seemed to do alright aside from a hairball on the floor. Oh well. I'll figure it out. There's always Lake Tahoe, I suppose.

Anyway, I guess I haven't really been very good about keeping this up to date about things going on in my life lately. A lot of the time, it feels pretty unimportant and routine, though certain stories still pop into my head and are waiting to be told. It remains to be seen if I'll get to those or not. If you're curious about anything in particular, you can always leave a comment and ask. Otherwise, I'll just have to organize myself and hope for the best. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well, as always. <3
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Sometimes I think of things to say long after I should say them:

"What are you doing?"
"Knitting and watching t.v."
"What? You're not knitting. What are you really doing?"

What I said: "No, I really am knitting."
What I could have said: "Um... Dance party?"

Oh, and about the air conditioner-- It was totally user error on my part. Embarrassing? Yes, but at least I know how it works now and didn't have to get major repairs done to it because of some crazy robbery. Ding!

Bleh

Jul. 4th, 2011 12:12 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
I turned on my air conditioning for the first time yesterday because it was hot. About halfway through the day, I realized it wasn't doing very much even though I could feel air falling on me from the vents. I had noticed a week or two ago when I went to pull weeds on my patio that the cover was off the a/c unit but didn't think anything of it. Well, the fact that it's torn in half and the insulation around the wiring to the house is all messed up made a little more sense when my mom told me there's been a string of copper wiring robberies around here lately. I don't know if that's what happened or if it's just busted, but considering the heat worked all winter and the previous owners lived here right until I moved in, the former seems more likely. The first holiday I've gotten off this year is around the first days when it's really starting to get warm, and my air conditioning doesn't work because some assholes had to make a quick buck. Awesome.

Add the third ant infestation I've had this year on top of that and I'm having kind of a frustrating weekend. Oh well.

I did get to go shopping and see family on Saturday, though, so that makes up for it. I also finished my capelette and started a new project last night, so there are still good things going on. Hopefully I can see more of my Reno friends soon too.

Eh, I don't really want to get into anything else right now. I'm going to go mope for a while until I figure out what to do. Happy fourth of July anyway.

Caveat

Jun. 8th, 2011 07:33 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
In light of my previous entry (re: I'm only pretending to be an adult, wah!)--

Then as I'm pulling weeds in my yard, I hear some kids playing really loudly nearby, fight the urge to yell at them, and feel really old.

Also, note to self: Next time you get randomly motivated to do stuff after work, try to remember to change your shoes. Otherwise, you'll end up kicking at spiny weeds with your slippers, and that's not really all that productive.

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