howeverbrief: (Temp)
Okay, let's do it.

Read more... )

So, that's it. Now maybe I'll be able to update on some of the other stuff that has been happening, since that has seemed like an endless series of distractions. I'll be back soon to talk about that, I'm sure, but thanks for your patience over the last few entries while I've tried to gather my thoughts about this trip. Overall, it was an experience I won't forget. Under all, life constantly gets in the way.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Maaaan, if I don't at least try to start this, I'm not sure when I'll get to it.

ICELAND TRIP (Insert fanfare here)!
Read more... )

Whew, this is definitely a work in progress, and I'm a little tired and sore at the moment. I will be back with more hopefully soon.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
Man, it's been over two weeks since we've returned from Iceland, and I haven't been able to come back and write about it yet. It seems like it's been one thing after another.

First off, jet-lag totally kicked my butt when I went back to work. Then we went to Grass Valley/Nevada City for Labor Day weekend to celebrate our third anniversary early, which was very nice until I got either massive food poisoning from an iffy Indian buffet we visited or had the flu coming on because I was suddenly unable to keep anything in my system. Before that, we had scheduled painting for this week because it's something I had been wanting to do forever, so we had to move furniture for them when we got home, still really sick. I stayed home sick Tuesday when they started too, so that turned out to not be as restful as advertised. Then between moving furniture around the next two nights and making it back to work Wednesday and Thursday to try to pull together training materials for the new hire I have starting September 19th, I realized yesterday that I'm still sick. I came home and passed out for five hours, and good lord where does the time go?

Poor Mike is sick too, though I'm glad he got to skip the part where absolutely nothing stays in his system. We're both feeling weird head congestion more than stomach issues now, so not sure if that's a continuation of what we had or a new illness, but I'm hoping we can both kick whatever it is this weekend since he has to go to Arkansas for a week-long training at Tyson University. (Yep, Mike gets to go to chicken school. Oo, fancy!) Anyway, I'd mostly like to get rid of this constant ringing in my ear and exhaustion/inability to concentrate more than anything else because I have a ton to do next week given that I lost two days of this week to weird mystery illness. Hopefully I'll be back to writing in some capacity before I forget all the fun little details of our trip, but I guess that's life crowding back in if not. You never get sick when it's convenient, right? Oh well. Fingers crossed I'll be back to normal soon enough anyway.
howeverbrief: (Black)
I found out Olive's test results Wednesday. I just haven't gotten myself to write about them because I don't want to get too worked up about it.

Doctor called and said that the medicine Olive is on has reduced her thyroid levels back to normal, which is very good news. The only thing the vet said is she would have expected Olive to gain weight in that time, since hyperthyroid causes cats to lose crazy amounts of weight while the medicine is supposed to reverse that, and Olive basically just maintained her weight. (It went down like .1 of a pound.) Because she hadn't gained weight, the vet worried that something else could be wrong with her that hasn't been tested for yet, like cancer. However, her non-weight gain or loss could just mean she's one of those cats who stabilizes and stays that way. It's hard to know one way or another.

The doctor gave us three options at that point. We could wait a few weeks to see if she gains weight over the next few weeks to rule out other issues. We could do some ultrasounds and x-rays to determine if she has lymphoma, like Kiki had, or any other cancers. Lastly, since we had no other indications that she had other issues, we could proceed with the surgery she needs to fix her teeth, which the vet says are really painful for her, and to remove the benign mass on her leg, which is only going to get bigger.

I chose option number three, and when I ran it past Mike later, he agreed. The vet warned me that if Olive does have underlying cancer, the surgery could kill her, which is very worrisome, but the way I figure it, if it's Olive's time to go, she will go. Otherwise, this is a surgery that she needs, and it does us no favors to delay it just to make sure she doesn't have yet another illness that will take her anyway. At this point, I'd rather not know. I certainly hope she will make it through (and have a good feeling she will given her difficult life before she came to me), but you can never know. Any surgery has the potential for complications, and we're taking an extra roll of the dice because of her advanced age here.

I say all this because I get to drop her off for surgery before work tomorrow and will be on call all day about it, so I'm pretty nervous about how it will go.

Had a nice enough weekend otherwise. I got to either talk to or hang out with the majority of my immediate family (Mom and siblings), and otherwise I've been doing a lot of cleaning or hanging out or nothing of note. Both Mike and I are pretty tired, so that's about all. Woo, I lead an exciting life. Maybe I'll have more to relate another time.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I took the day off today to take Olive to the vet. It really didn't take that long and I could've easily gone back to work, but at the time I requested it at work, I had no time off in sight and really wanted at least something to look forward to since we were still stuck in codification hell. This was before I asked for the time off to go to Vegas weekend before last, and I must say, it's a little weird to have a random Tuesday off.

Anyway, it's been a nice enough day. I slept in a little bit then got up to exercise to an older DVD I have that took 45 minutes of my day and kicked my ass. I had semi-planned on getting the bloodwork my doctor requested during my appointment last Monday, but I realized pretty quickly after that that I wasn't going to be able to continue fasting and be able to stay upright. I'll have to figure out another time to do that now. Yay, being an adult.

We took Olive to the vet after that, and she was really vocal on the way to the office. Otherwise, there's not much to report. She was there for a recheck on her bloodwork to see if the medication she's on has brought her thyroid under control enough for her to have surgery to remove the mass from her leg (which has grown a little bit but doesn't really concern the vet?) and to fix her teeth. We'll find out the results tomorrow. She hasn't lost weight, though, so hopefully it will work out.

After the appointment, Mike took me to breakfast (pupusas for the win) and then got ready to go because he has yet another food show to do, this time in Livermore woo. He's supposed to have a lot of customers there, though, so he should get a lot of followup business out of it (even though he's semi-drowning in followups from his last show). Hopefully it's not too painful, though.

Other than that, I took a long walk, messed around on the internet, and started a knitting project while watching too much TV, so not a very productive day. Hey, if you're going to ditch work for a vet appointment, might as well. I'll get to the bills tomorrow or something.

Some other recent happenings worth noting:
My brother got a new job! He's been very miserable at his current work since new management took over, and his last day there is this Friday. I found out he is going to do part-time work there to help with the transition while working 40 hours a week at the new gig, though, which I think is way too much given the way they've treated him. He's got to figure that out, though.

On a similar note, my younger sister has a few job interviews this week since her job with the university is not being renewed. Fingers crossed those go well. I wish I could say the same for my older sister, but that's neither here nor there.

We went to a show on Friday evening: Alton Brown Live: Eat Your Science Tour
It was fun! He did three different segments: Food God (on what he would do if he were Food God, like banning children's menus for example), Pick Your Poison (where an unlucky volunteer from the audience got to test Alton's theory on the best cocktails being three ingredients and how to use science to improve the ensuing rum-brandy-pixie sticks cocktail that ensued from the random nature of choosing the ingredients slot machine style), and Popcorn (where another unlucky volunteer helped build a giant working model of popcorn that popped all over her as well as showed off his giant popcorn maker that makes 4 bushels of popcorn at once). He also sang several songs, pronounced Nevada wrong, and was very, very snarky. Haha. It was a good time. My brother also went to the show, so we saw him afterward. He was convinced the volunteers from the audience were plants, but I wasn't so sure, considering how hard Alton was on them. Also, Alton had some saltier jokes and more of an adult edge to him that was different from his "Good Eats" show though the show was overall kid friendly. Very funny.

My in-laws 50th anniversary is this September. Need to figure out what were doing for that. Hmm... It still kind of boggles my mind that they were married the day before my parents were (11 years before that too, but just an odd coincidence). Our anniversary is very close by too, but we had a little bit more say in that: September 7th is ours. September 9th is Mike's parents. September 10th is my parents. September is, of course, a popular month for weddings, but it's still kind of nuts. That's a long time to be married, too.

But uh, I guess I should try to wind down and get ready for bed.
howeverbrief: (Skull)
I had a dream a few nights ago that woke me from a very deep sleep. What is it about people who have been gone ten years or more? How do they pop back in every once in a while and set the whole town ablaze only to vanish again? I don't even know what you look like anymore. I am long over all this. I am over wanting to mumble apologies and have them misunderstood, igniting the pain all over again, but that's what I do in my dreams. I face it without actually doing anything. It's anxiety I neither want nor need. We were never good enough together anyway.

I am worried about the cat again. She's sneezing. It is getting harder to get her to take the steroids, which yes, I wouldn't want to take either if I were her, but come on. Her eating seems to have slowed, and she puked while eating a little while ago. I'm sure it's nothing, but I am frightened anyway. We shall see.

Mike is out of town again. He was in Livermore Sunday night through Tuesday night for his monthly meeting at his home office. Tomorrow he has a food presentation he was asked to help with in Sacramento, and he has to get up really early. He is in another chat window I have open, but I am not being very good company right now. I don't know why I can't just... be okay, I guess.

Work is okay. Frustrating in certain ways. Still waiting for the work that's going to push us over the edge in this codification project. Still not quite getting anything else done except in fits and waves whenever there's a panic. This has been going on for too long, but apparently it shows no signs of stopping. There has to be an end. We have other things we need to do in the interim before session work arrives again sometime in the fall. We have no control, though. I think too damn much. I need to let it go.

I'm not making any sense really, stringing together words for the sake of it. Sorry. I'm feeling kind of down, and this isn't really helping. I'll try again later. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Because in your heart, it's loud. Oh...

Eeeeeurg

Feb. 16th, 2016 07:41 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
Not much to report. Been quite a while since I felt this sick to my stomach. It's been since Saturday night, so I'm not sure if it's food poisoning or just some sort of stomach bug since one of my workers was out with a stomach thing the beginning of last week. All I know is I'm nauseated, have no appetite, had several close calls even getting to the bathroom while getting dressed for work (ew, which is why I didn't go this morning) and doing stuff is hard. Also, note to self, Immodium AD needs to be put on the list of drugs that knock me out all day, which makes no damn sense except when you consider the weird sensitivity I have to certain drugs. Ugh.

Aside from that, I got to hang out with my favorite people this weekend. Had dinner with Aurora before I got sick, which was nice. The conversation did highlight how long it has been, though, so hopefully we can find time to get together again soon. Also, Mike and I shared Valentine's Day and the four-year anniversary of the day we actually met yesterday, and even though I was ill for it, he was a very good sport. We stayed home on Valentine's despite our plans to go for sushi, and it was still nice. Yesterday, we went to Tahoe in the morning for breakfast and a walk around where we shared our first kiss. I feel a little bad that I didn't get more done for him for our anniversary, but hopefully I can make it up to him soon too. Some years are like that, I guess.

Lastly, Kiki seems to be hanging in there well despite the step-down in steroid doses to once a day, so maybe she still has some time despite our decision not to have her undergo surgery. We shall see.

Here's hoping I feel better tomorrow. My stupid fitbit step average is getting killed by all this laying around. ;)
howeverbrief: (Temp)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Uh.... a big 10-4 there, good buddy. My room was filled with stuffed animals as a kid. Because my dad still lives in the house I grew up in, I think the closet still is. When I was really young, I thought they were alive and talked and did stuff when I was out of the room. I also took special pains to not make others jealous when I was spending a lot of time with a particular stuffed animal.

(Toy Story came out when I was 12, if you're curious. That movie's not the reason I felt that way, though I did identify with that movie a lot. Haha.)

I wouldn't say that I had an absolute favorite. Different times in my life, I was obsessed with different toys. For example, when I had hernia surgery in the second grade, I took my bear Nyla with me. (I remember the nurses put a mask on her and gave her "anesthesia" as well.) Another year for Easter I think, I got a white rabbit in a green velveteen suit that I loved. (I really enjoyed The Velveteen Rabbit as a kid, which is probably more accurately the place I got the idea that toys were real. I think I won the book in a contest at school or the library. That was probably around that time.) A different Christmas, my mom had seen me eyeing a bear that was a chimney sweep named Sooty Sam. (I like Mary Poppins, but I'm not sure why I was so obsessed with this bear in particular. I must have really annoyed them with my screeches about "Sooty Sam!" that year.) When I was a little older, my parents brought back a bear that was wearing a shirt collar and tie. I then became obsessed with finding him a wife. (Not sure why. I was never wedding crazy as a kid. I just didn't want my animals to be without friends and mates.)

And along with all this, there were too many cat stuffed animals to count, some of which I even sewed myself. I'm pretty sure there's a row of them still in the closet at my parents' home because I organized things like that. I could probably still tell you all their life stories. Weirdo.

Do I still enjoy them as an adult? Uh... I don't have a guest room filled with them or anything. I don't talk to Mike with my squishible mini t-rex and the other dinosaurs plus various other characters I own an annoying and unhealthy amount of the time. (Wait, I do. Oops.) Not to mention I bought him a police officer puppet named Cyrus who is a filthy, dirty cop on our honeymoon who likes to talk about drugs and whores and who has since had a barely legal (or illegal?) teen puppet in a cheerleading outfit named Megan join him. (Mike generally voices both of them, though he insists my voice for him is creepier.)

Ah, anyway, I probably have more animals than a self-respecting 32-year-old should have, but there you go.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Honestly, I didn't have many plans at the start of the year beyond "make it through session." Well, that and don't break any more body parts, but that's a given considering how much my foot still hurts and reminds me when storms are coming.

It's been a big year. It was the start of my first cycle as supervisor handling eight proofreaders during the legislative session, and it wasn't all that easy. I think I did a fairly good job for having replaced my boss, who did the job for ten years plus and saw a lot of changes to her job in that time. I'm not sure if it would have been possible for her to convey to me just how many facets there are to supervising. Some I picked up from watching her, but a lot of it has been a steep learning curve, especially when it comes to relations between my people. I mean, I knew handling relationships between people would be part of the job, but I had no idea how big of a percentage and how unprepared I'd be for some of the scenarios I've run across.

Suffice it to say I'm still learning and will probably never fully figure it out.

It's been stressful and hard on Mike as well, considering he only got to experience session stress from a few states away last time, and I know it can't have been easy to deal with my freaking out about hours and deadlines and everything else that goes along with trying to keep up with the legislature, not to mention our various health problems and just general adjustments that go along with newer marriages and life. So far, he's helped me immensely, and I don't remember how I got through it without him the last two times. He's such a sweetheart, and thought he has his own work issues, I'm pretty sure he's helped me out far more than I've helped him. I'm very lucky he sticks around sometimes.

It's been difficult to see my body deteriorate, though. I've recently become more and more aware of how weak my physique is compared to before I broke my foot. At that point, I was just starting to see the effects of less exercise due to being a newly wed and lazier specimen in general, but now I'm definitely feeling like I'm not where I want to be physically. I'm trying to start my old exercise routine before work again, but it is challenging to get up earlier in the morning not to mention we'll be going back on overtime soon to do codification and I'll have much less time to figure it out then. Sigh.

Work/life balance has become rougher to figure out. I wouldn't trade my life with Mike for anything I had before, but it is hard to see what's coming and plan for the future. Certain days I feel like I have all the time in the world to do what we want to do, and other times I feel my biological clock ticking. I don't know when I'll be ready. I don't know if there's a right time to do anything, really. I do know we'd make anything work, but there are many more unknowns that I can't seem to square with myself right now. I suppose there's no harm in leaving it alone until things settle into whatever they're going to settle into. If there is, I won't know until later anyway.

Most of my life can be summed up in this sentence anyway: "I needn't have worried." This seems to become more true the more I repeat it to myself after particularly stressful events that turned out to not be so bad, so... Why worry about it now? I needn't have worried. It'll work out and be okay.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
I had a dream that I was back in college and dating Chris again, only I figured out later I'm married and felt really bad about it. My dream self then decided to debate who was the best out of him, Austin and Mike, and of course, Mike came out on top for several reasons, which made me feel even worse for kissing and having feelings for someone behind his back.

I woke up alone. Of course. Mike's in Livermore.

I realized today that it's been close to if not exactly ten years since I've seen Chris. If I felt like digging, I could figure out the precise day, but it doesn't really matter. As far as I know, he's long gone from here. Not too many months after that, I started up with Austin, and that relationship remains the longest I've ever been in, but not for too much longer. (May of next year will crush that record if you're curious.) Austin lives closer to me, but I haven't seen him in maybe four and a half years? Just after I started working here but before I moved, I think.

I've known Very Pretty for almost fourteen years. (How's that for weird, eh college roommate?) Certain other friends have come and gone in that period. Before her, my longest friendship lasted twelve years before I severed ties. Most of the people I grew up with I either don't talk to or don't know anymore outside of facebook, and that's okay.

Recently, I've been downsizing my friend's list there. I had a strong reaction to seeing pictures of someone I went on one pseudo date with after breaking up with Austin which didn't go anywhere because he had some derogatory things to say about gay people at the end of it. I literally know more about him through his facebook than I do from the time I spent in real life with him, and I decided I didn't care at all about him. Then I looked around and decided I didn't care about a lot of people, and suddenly I was below 120 friends on facebook.

I've probably spent a little too much time thinking about how social contacts used to work. I seem to recall in pre-internet times being able to entirely fall out of touch with someone over the course of your life, to the point where you hardly (if ever) think about them if they didn't mean anything to you. Also, it was a lot harder to look someone up if you ever had a passing whim about them, let alone a search engine at your fingertips begging you to find out, hey, that person lives this sort of life now! Isn't that interesting and not at all ultimately useless? Perhaps this sounds cruel and weird of me, but I've been feeling like that antiquated process would be preferable to the many slow deaths of relationships you experience over social media--people ghosting out of your life instead of reminding you every once in a while what they ate for dinner and how much you've both changed and disagree now. Lives coming together then drifting apart. The same old story told by different players.

I guess I'm mostly tired of caring about people who wouldn't notice if I suddenly disappeared. Yeah, I guess that makes me an asshole.

My dad was here yesterday and looked at one of the paintings I have on my wall. He said it was amazing because my Uncle John painted one almost exactly like it, down to the circles and color scheme. My mom said I was my uncle's niece. I wish I could have gotten to know him as an adult. He's been gone for fourteen years. I miss him.

But here we are, and time is short. It seems to be getting shorter all the time.
howeverbrief: (Black)
I see the Writer's Block involves vaccination. I rolled my eyes and didn't read the whole thing. My brother and Mike's nephew Alex are both on the autism scale, with my brother leaning more toward what was called Asperger's and Alex leaning more toward very high-functioning autism. I entirely doubt this has anything to do with the fact they were vaccinated, especially given the science that has discredited the initial study that suggested vaccination causes autism. I'm also very glad they both were vaccinated because they are some of the best people I know. They are who they are, autism spectrum or not, and they're also still alive. Autism isn't the enemy, and people shouldn't be scared of it. When it comes to diseases that have been already cured for many years, I'm always going to argue for the cure. I've tried to see the other side's point of view, and I just can't. I think it is dangerous and misinformed at best. If this makes me hypocritical about this particular issue, I don't care.

Last weekend was Valentine's day and our three-year anniversary of the day we met. (It seems both longer and shorter than that somehow.) Mike made dinner on Valentine's day, and we had lunch with my parents on our anniversary so we could spend the evening together as well. It was nice that we had the whole weekend off, even if I had to use some of it to do general maintenance, which is what happens when you don't have too many days off in a row-- stuff like get haircuts and clean house and try to recharge while also spend time with people you don't get to see otherwise. It's a bit hard to manage to be honest, but it works, I guess.

More on Valentine's day: Mike got me this dude (Steggy) because I'm weird and obsessed with dinosaurs lately. Also, heh, something sexy. I got him AIDS and a Jesse, also because I'm weird. (AIDS is forever!) Mike made Oysters Rockefeller and tried and failed to make pizza (frozen and thawed pizza dough is the devil), and I made raspberry claufoutis which turned out pretty tasty (even though Mike still cooks way more than I do).

More on the 15th: Mom is doing pretty well. Her grip is coming back, and since she doesn't have a cast and doesn't have to wear a sling, it's not readily apparent she broke her arm. We had a very nice lunch at Tahoe Ridge Winery (a local winery in Minden that is opening a branch very close to our house soon), and afterward, it was fun to do a little infused olive oil tasting (they have a lot of different olive and balsamic oils). Mike ended up getting basil oil and cinnamon pear balsamic for other cooking adventures. After running more errands, we had dinner and watched Punch Drunk Love because our TV was still broken.

Hmm, what else happened this week? Right, a technician came out and fixed the TV. From what Mike said, the screen and motherboard had to be replaced entirely, and when I came home on Tuesday, the screen stayed on for more than five minutes! Just subtract from that the fact that the colors still get inverted from time to time. Ugh. We're pretty sure that the HD cables are to blame now, but if we replace those and are still having problems, we're going to have a serious talk with Directv, mostly because this has been going on for far too long and we have a bit of a background noise addiction that has been highlighted in recent weeks.

However, we encountered a new problem Wednesday that needed a more immediate fix this weekend. I had noticed that our queen-sized bed, which I've had since I was about 14, has been very squeaky lately. The baseboard has been separating from the sideboard, and I've been pushing them back together in the hopes that they won't break.

You know where I'm going with this.

Mike hopped on the bed Wednesday night, and I noticed that the joint was separated more than usual. I made him get off the bed to check out the situation and see if I could strengthen it somehow, but Mike hopped on it again, and the screws gave and tore right out of the wood, banging that corner of the bed onto the floor. I panicked and called my mom, thinking she might have an idea on how to fix it but to no avail. It's done. We dismantled it, put the pieces in the guest room, and have been sleeping on the mattress on the floor since. We're going to try to find a way to donate the headboard and baseboard somewhere, but we have no way to make it work for us again.

That did give us a chance to upgrade to a king bed with a new mattress yesterday, though. ;) The actual buying of the bed and mattress process wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, but trying to find a comforter set proved to be much more complicated than I thought, maybe because I thought Mike wouldn't care at all but surprised me by giving me lots of input and searching several stores then the internet with me until we found what would work.

What's funny about that is he actually just ordered the set we're going to use as I was typing this, so that's a bit of a ridiculous two-day process over what's basically a blanket and pillows. It's pretty though.

Poor Mike. Sorry you've been stuck in domestic hell lately. We ought to be set up by next Saturday hopefully.

Other than that, Mike's in Livermore for the monthly sales meeting. I worked two hours today. This is mostly babbling without a point. The cat is snoring behind me, and my feet are freezing. So it goes.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Things I've learned in the past year:

Breaking stuff can happen really quickly, even if you're healthy and have never broken anything like it before.

Stairs are terrifying.

Handicap services are totally helpful when you need them.

Muscle mass is easy to lose and much harder to get back.

You can lose joints in your foot via surgery just so you can walk sometime again.

I used to walk really fast.

People notice a lot more than I give them credit for.

It's possible to have an infection for a long time without realizing what it is.

You can breathe without feeling constantly congested. It just might take surgery.

Also, a carryover from last year: Don't blow your nose after you get your wisdom teeth out. You could cause yourself a rare problem that messes up half your year.

My mother and new family members are very supportive.

Marriage is different than I thought it would be. It's much harder but also more fulfilling in ways I didn't know existed.

I married a decent man.

I have forgotten what it's like to live alone. I'm okay with that.

Sometimes, even though it seems like a diagnosis fits, your cat is just a jerk.

Even if you've been through something multiple times, you can feel totally unprepared for what's ahead.

I thought I had more to say, but I'm going to leave it there. Happy 2015.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Oh, right. I still have a livejournal. Sorry, guys.

Let's see... This is the first day I've "stayed home" since December 13th. (Stayed home is in quotation marks because I still left the house to get a haircut and groceries. Fail.) I worked 10 and a half days in a row to get through our first session deadline, stopped to spend half of Christmas eve here with Mike, then spent the last three days in Reno because that's where the rest of my family spent Christmas. Mom tried to tell me to stay home yesterday if I was still tired from the extra 48 hours I put on my last timecard; but I don't know when I'm going to see everyone again because of session monopolizing the next six months (at least); so of course I made the trip yesterday as well even though I wish I had another day to myself before I have to go back to work. Oh well. On top of all that, Mike left for Albuquerque to visit his parents and brother the day after Christmas and won't be back until Tueday. (I didn't go because he booked the tickets back when they were cheap and I had no idea if I'd get the days off. Wish I could have, but hopefully there will be better and less expensive chances to visit in the future.)

Ah, but I had a nice Christmas with everyone I got to see, and I really only have to work two and a half days before I get some more time off since management let us take as much time as we wanted between Christmas eve and January 2nd to reward us for getting through the deadline, so I'm looking forward to that, especially the actual staying home part.

I'd say more; but I have a massive headache; and I ought to stop complaining. Life's not so bad. Just a little rough at the moment. Hope you're all doing well.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Dumb poetry time:

Fie, wretched woman
At thee, I bite my thumb,
who spoke of toothsome treasure, then ate
said ambrosial wonder, leaving her mate
the tenderest of crumb

(Translation? My mom came to visit me on my break and gave me a slice of homemade banana bread. I told Mike about it via text message then proceeded to eat it before I even got home even though he very sweetly brought home pie from work. Haha, I'm the biggest jerk.

EDIT: He said the joke's on me because he already ate some pie. LOLz. I'm still the worst.)

Unrelated, I got this CD in the mail, and this song mostly sums up my train of thought lately.



I'm still in the shouting at my TV (and internet) stage, though. Keep fighting the good fight, friends.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Jeezy creezy, how long has it been? Well, I looked at the grease burn on my hand yesterday and remembered I got it last week, and even that feels like it happened so long ago that I could barely believe it.

I guess I should back up.

Last Thursday, Nevada's governor held a press conference that basically said that Tesla (the big fancy electric car company) had finally chosen our state for their huge gigafactory after months of dicking us, California, New Mexico, and Texas around. This has the potential to be great news, as it would be a huge economic boom for Nevada in terms of jobs and investments. However, in order to broker this deal, the Governor had to get the legislature to approve it.

Ah ha, there's the catch. The governor had to call a special session to do that.

I spent most of Friday worried that I wouldn't be able to go on the weekend trip that Mike had planned for our anniversary, which was Sunday. We were lucky, though. Work told us Friday afternoon that we would have to come in on Sunday at noon to prepare for special session, which gave me and Mike time to stay at the beautiful condo Mike rented for two nights. We ended up barbecuing, using their jacuzzi, running around Tahoe a bit and generally enjoying what time we had. The only real downside to the trip was the aforementioned grease burns on my hand and foot, which happened when Mike was frying bacon next to me for breakfast, but given the rest of the trip and all he did while I was neck deep in work (cooking, grocery shopping, and laundry!), I can't really hold it against him. He's really very sweet. Hopefully the scrapbook I made (which arrived after our anniversary, so he got to open it while I was working late one night) was an acceptable consolation prize. He did get year-old frozen cake out of the deal too. Haha.

Work from Sunday at noon on was insane. I think I worked more hours of overtime from Monday to Thursday than I did regular hours; and we had more than our fair share of hiccups because certain parts of our program hadn't been tested completely for the random out-of-nowhere session; but we made it through somehow. Hell, considering we had less than half of the staff we usually have during a regular session (because of temporary positions, people on vacation, and a sudden death in the family of one of our managers), I think we did pretty well. The legislature passed their four bills, and now it's up to Tesla to follow through. We'll see what happens.

What's more important for me is session ended Thursday around 10:00 at night, so now maybe we can get back to the projects we were working on before. My boss was kind enough to get Friday off for our unit, which was probably pretty wise because we wouldn't have been very productive after all that. I've still managed to overdo it this weekend with the projects (and the fitbit), but it's still been nice to have the time off to kind of pick up where I left off on personal things as well as continue to organize parts of the house which aren't so efficient right now. We also bought more furniture, but I think we're nearing the end of our upgrades in that department. Neverending tasks, you know.

Anyway, life is pretty positive at the moment. I'm running short of motivation at the moment, but hopefully we can keep this momentum going.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
I've been listening to Against Me!'s newest album, "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" quite a bit lately. As you might guess from the title, the album deals a lot with transgender issues, as the band's frontwoman, Laura Jane Grace (formerly Tom Gabel), came out as transgender a few years ago. I've written about her previously, probably because I relate to her themes of alienation, depression, awkwardness and loneliness on a certain level, but I also feel like there are parts of her music I will never understand. As a woman who is not overly feminine but has also never questioned her gender, I can't imagine what it's like to trans. I ask myself how she does it, what it would be like, and I just don't know.

I suppose it's selfish to ask those kinds of questions, as if that hypothetical would somehow make me seem more compassionate when it really just centers the discussion around me again. That's just a round-about way of being self-obsessed, and yet I've managed to do this repeatedly even as I've become more aware of it anyway.

But aside from that navel gazing, I wanted to post this song, probably because it sounds like a morbid love song at first.



Lyrics )

All that might be true. Two coffins could be for anyone, especially for you and a significant other because who wants to think about the impossible eternity of death and losing the partner you've agreed to share your life with. 'Til death being a pretty prominent part of the traditional vows and all.

Still, the word "little" being thrown into the mix makes me wonder if she's singing to her daughter, who would be about five now. (And looking up links in the course of writing this entry, I've confirmed this.) That interpretation of the song makes me more sad if it's true, like trying to explain this to a child makes it all the more tragic. At least your significant other understands death on the same level you do.

Given life lately, these lines has been kind of soothing: "All the things I have yet to lose will someday be gone too/Back into annihilation." It matters now, but it won't always. Regardless of what's remains, there's something to be said for the passage of time.

Now I'm 31

Jul. 28th, 2014 06:48 pm
howeverbrief: (Black)
But on a lighter note, my birthday was very nice. When midnight struck, Mike mentioned that one of my gifts hadn't shipped yet and showed me this online. Haha, very good.

When we woke up to get ready, Mike showed me my other gift-- a small Jelly Tiger. He's super cute, though the tag says he's bashful. Considering how obsessed I have been with my T-rex lately, I have declined to make him talk so far. Heh.

We went to Reno to meet my parents and younger siblings for breakfast, specifically for Stonehouse Cafe's amazing breakfast. (Seriously, check out those menus. So tasty.) I had the Bing Cherry french toast, and it's as delicious as the description implies-- "Three slices of Ciabatta bread dredged through Stone House batter. Topped with cherries and Leopold Bing Cherry liqueur sauce and whipped cream." Drool. Mike had the chile verde omelet. Pretty much everyone's food looked scrumptious. Much better than when I was there for my brother's birthday, when I'd just had my wisdom teeth out. Sheesh. (Who am I kidding? It was delicious then too, just a little harder to eat.)

My sister had to go to work, so she gave me her gift (a mason jar coffee mug which is pretty cool) then split. My brother was very tired from the night before (his work is putting him through the ringer lately, boo), but he stuck around to watch me unwrap presents and give me a gift card. My parents gave me several really nice gifts, which kind of surprised me. (I had only asked for some more dishes because my mom had suggested it. I didn't know she had other stuff in mind.) So I was very surprised and thankful for that. Unfortunately, Mike had to leave for the monthly sales meeting in Livermore that afternoon, so he took off after that. The remaining four of us ducked into a local store to see what they had, and then my brother split, probably for a nap.

My parents were nice enough to take me all over the place shopping. Since I recently cleaned out my closet, it was good to pick up a few more pieces of clothing, somewhat because I get bored with what I have but more because session is coming up and I won't have time to deal with much once that hits. It was nice to spend time with them as well. Doesn't happen too often anymore, just because that's how life's been shaking out lately.

When I got home, I found my older sister and aunt had called, so I called them back and had very nice conversations with both of them which lasted longer than they usually do, probably good because I wasn't exactly sure what to do with myself otherwise. Mike also got into Livermore safely, and I talked to him for a little while before he went to dinner. After that was pretty boring but relaxing--walk, PT exercises, dinner, more leftover cake that my mom made, checking facebook and responding to birthday messages (including many very nice ones from Mike's family), TV, a shower then bed.

All in all, it was a pretty good birthday, especially since I had absolutely no expectations for it. I heard from people who care, and I had a good day. Can't ask for anything more.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
+Walked almost 40 minutes this morning, which is close to the pace I used to have, because my physical therapist suggested I start trying to take longer strides again.
-Got pretty sunburned in the process.
+Ate delicious food at Villa Basque Deli and Cafe, which doesn't have a proper website but has been up and running for 30 years. Pretty good odds for repeat visits, I'd say.
+Got a steam mop for cleaning the hardwood floors, which was a little spendy but totally a delight to work with. I cleaned the floors in about the time it took to wash a load of clothes, which is a vast improvement considering how much I hate mopping. Would do again.
-The cat food we buy in bulk (specifically, their indoor, advanced age and hairball treatment food that they love) was only being sold in a small bag at the pet store. Mike had to find a way to order some online. First world problems.
+Didn't spend too much on groceries because we were full and didn't have a lot on our list. This might backfire later in the week when we don't know what to have for dinner, but it was nice to save a little money.
+/-It rained. (Plus because it's good for our drought. Minus because it's making all my joints scream.)
-I managed to trip on my computer cord and fall pretty hard on my knees and somehow scrape up the toes on my good foot at the same time. That sucked. Hopefully it won't be too bad tomorrow.
+Mike made sausage and grits for dinner. He's feeling a little better after his endoscopy procedure on Thursday, and it looks promising that he doesn't have Celiac's Disease, though his stomach is inflamed, the doctor took a polyp from the bottom of his esophagus and he might have ulcers. Still waiting for the results on that, but he seems okay if not sore.
+Mike also got a different C-PAP machine which seems to be working better for him and not waking me up as much. So far, so good.
-The ceiling fan in our master bedroom is semi-broken and only works when it wants to right now, which is unfortunate because we can't simultaneously leave the sliding door open at night (which would help with the heat in the room) and set the alarm (which helps calm my anxiety concerning other people). Boo.
-My sister's dog (who I looked after for two years and was a little over eleven years old) died a few days ago from a heart condition. :(
+The laundry just dinged, so that means I can go to bed soon.

And I still haven't updated about our recent vacation to Cedar City, but hopefully I'll get motivated to do so before too many other things happen and I forget. There are at least some nice pictures up on facebook. Shrug.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Poor Mike had to drive to Livermore this afternoon to pick up supplies to prepare for a food show later in the week. He's been through quite the ringer at work lately, with coworkers taking over his accounts but getting in the way more than helping and other related situations, and I feel badly for him. Hopefully he has turned a corner and will have a better week.

I always think I'm going to get so much done when he's gone. Not that I do nothing when he's here, but for some reason, I have this belief that I'll be able to do things that I don't do when he's here. Thing is, I still seem to sit around, watch TV and hang out on the internet like I would when he's here, only I do so with more awareness of his absence. It's odd.

I'm slowly but surely getting better. I haven't taken any (!) painkillers today. I'll probably give in before bed just because I probably won't be able to sleep very well otherwise, but it's not too bad. My foot and face/head still hurt, but after sleeping quite a lot yesterday, I'm feeling more normal than I have in a long time. Hopefully this will only continue to improve. I'd mostly like to eventually get back into exercising more effectively (those two early days where I got up to lift weights every week feels like forever ago), but so far, I've managed to at least bring my walking time back up to 30, if not 40, minutes per day on top of my physical therapy exercises. Not bad. I'm feeling kind of discouraged that I still have to go to physical therapy, but if that's what's going to fix me, I'll suck it up. Also I'm not thrilled that my nose isn't 100% yet; but I've breathed wrong for years and had the infection for half a year; so I really shouldn't have expected it to be instantly better. It's still better than it was before surgery, so that's comforting.

My previous entry highlighted just how out of practice I am with writing. I feel like I could have written it better or that I have missed my own point or that something isn't quite right with it. I think the solution to that problem is to get back into writing pretty much anything again (and/or editing my own work, which I'm ironically not very versed in anymore), regardless of audience or purpose or whatever my own criticisms are, but we'll see how well that works out with how life has been lately. I'm just really aware of my own lack of skill right now. It's a weird feeling.

The other thing in the forefront of my mind lately is the number of people who have been supporting me through everything that's happened in the last year, and I am humbled by both the people I take for granted but shouldn't (namely, my mother, husband, best friends, coworkers and other family members) and the people I thought didn't notice me all that much (people more on the fringe of my life that I honestly don't always notice enough either). I am very lucky for no particular reason. It borders on ridiculous. Thank you for sticking around.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Let's see.

I shaved 8 minutes off my mile walk time since last week. Not too shabby.
(45 minutes two weeks ago. 40 minutes one week ago. 32 minutes this morning.)


I sat with the kitties for a while this morning, which doesn't happen too often for too long.

I also lifted weights and did my physical therapy exercises.
(Damn, I've gotten weak. It's almost like I used to work with weights twice a week then stopped doing it for three months because I couldn't use my arms. Weird.)

I started laundry because that's a given Saturday task.
(Still incomplete right now.)

I went through the clothes in my closet, chest of drawers and storage containers, and I managed to put together four garbage bags full of clothes to give to charity.
(Good lord. Why do I have so many clothes? Oh right, I'm a friggin' yuppie.)

Mike and I cleaned out the meat and cheese drawer in the fridge then went grocery shopping even though we didn't need a lot.
(Managed to spend more than we do when we actually need stuff. Mike laughed and said it's always that way.)

I haven't been on the internet since about 3:00 yesterday, which is odd.
(After work and therapy, we ate at IHOP because Mike's so carb-starved, he's now craving pancakes, which he doesn't really like normally. We also watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure on a VHS tape Mike brought when he moved because I still have a TV with a VHS player in it in the bedroom. Haha, good times.)

Now Mike's making a low-carb casserole, partially because I wondered if it was possible to have such a thing since the binders in casseroles are usually pretty starchy. He found a recipe that seems promising, though--sausage, cauliflower, mushroom, chicken casserole with cheese. Sounds tasty anyway.

The dryer is beeping upstairs, so that's probably about enough of that.

EDIT: Oh, and I bought this guy last week, and it's one of my new favorite things. No foolin'.

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