howeverbrief: (Temp)
Okay, let's do it.

Read more... )

So, that's it. Now maybe I'll be able to update on some of the other stuff that has been happening, since that has seemed like an endless series of distractions. I'll be back soon to talk about that, I'm sure, but thanks for your patience over the last few entries while I've tried to gather my thoughts about this trip. Overall, it was an experience I won't forget. Under all, life constantly gets in the way.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Augh, I think this week is going to be crazy, so let's try again...

Read more... )

Two days seems to be my record for the moment. I'll try again later. Thanks for putting up with my short bursts about this trip. Hopefully headed toward done soon.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Oh good lord, how many days has it been since I said I'd come back and tell more about Iceland? Too many. Let's see how far we can get this time.

Read more... )

As you can see, we packed a lot into all of our days in Iceland, so it's taking much more effort to write about than I anticipated. I'm just glad I kept up on posting pictures. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had a clear timeline on what we did. I will try to come back tomorrow and finish this, mostly because there's a ton going on in real-life, and I ought to clear this before getting to all of that. Let's try tomorrow!
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Maaaan, if I don't at least try to start this, I'm not sure when I'll get to it.

ICELAND TRIP (Insert fanfare here)!
Read more... )

Whew, this is definitely a work in progress, and I'm a little tired and sore at the moment. I will be back with more hopefully soon.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
Man, it's been over two weeks since we've returned from Iceland, and I haven't been able to come back and write about it yet. It seems like it's been one thing after another.

First off, jet-lag totally kicked my butt when I went back to work. Then we went to Grass Valley/Nevada City for Labor Day weekend to celebrate our third anniversary early, which was very nice until I got either massive food poisoning from an iffy Indian buffet we visited or had the flu coming on because I was suddenly unable to keep anything in my system. Before that, we had scheduled painting for this week because it's something I had been wanting to do forever, so we had to move furniture for them when we got home, still really sick. I stayed home sick Tuesday when they started too, so that turned out to not be as restful as advertised. Then between moving furniture around the next two nights and making it back to work Wednesday and Thursday to try to pull together training materials for the new hire I have starting September 19th, I realized yesterday that I'm still sick. I came home and passed out for five hours, and good lord where does the time go?

Poor Mike is sick too, though I'm glad he got to skip the part where absolutely nothing stays in his system. We're both feeling weird head congestion more than stomach issues now, so not sure if that's a continuation of what we had or a new illness, but I'm hoping we can both kick whatever it is this weekend since he has to go to Arkansas for a week-long training at Tyson University. (Yep, Mike gets to go to chicken school. Oo, fancy!) Anyway, I'd mostly like to get rid of this constant ringing in my ear and exhaustion/inability to concentrate more than anything else because I have a ton to do next week given that I lost two days of this week to weird mystery illness. Hopefully I'll be back to writing in some capacity before I forget all the fun little details of our trip, but I guess that's life crowding back in if not. You never get sick when it's convenient, right? Oh well. Fingers crossed I'll be back to normal soon enough anyway.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Hello, we have returned. We got back from Iceland at midnight Wednesday actually, but since there's a seven-hour time difference (and Mike's been sick on top of it with a cold he got in the last days we were there), we've both been struggling to get back to some kind of normal in the past four days. I always tend to forget just how disorienting and weird jet-lag is until I experience it again. It was especially jarring waking up that first night and seeing Icelandic mountains in my bedroom instead of knowing where I was, but it gets better day by day. Soon we won't notice it at all.

It has been somewhat bittersweet being back. While there were definitely some fiascos, really the trip as a whole was very nice and different from anything we've experienced so far. I plan on going into details about the trip soon, but for now I'm mostly trying not to be bummed out about having to go back to work. I'm pretty sure this is the longest time in the five and a half years I've worked for the state that I've been away (not counting surgeries, but even then, maybe not), and it feels very surreal. Usually I'm more than ready to get back and buckle down into work, but this has been more of a break, I suppose.

I think part of it is the very real prospect of session starting again in February, and I have no more set time off between now and then. Well, that and needing to get some house repairs done before session comes (and hopefully succeeding in that because winter's coming up fairly quickly and I feel like we're running out of time again). I'm also not sure what's going to happen in the next year (or really what I even want to happen in the next year), so that's kind of terrifying. So it goes, the never-ending song of the sort-of adult I am, I guess. I'd much rather be in Iceland, where our only care at night was planning the next day's driving and wondering if the shower was going to be quite as bad as the previous place we stayed at, but I digress. It's okay. If not, it's going to be okay.

Anyway, Iceland posts coming soon.
howeverbrief: (Black)
I found out Olive's test results Wednesday. I just haven't gotten myself to write about them because I don't want to get too worked up about it.

Doctor called and said that the medicine Olive is on has reduced her thyroid levels back to normal, which is very good news. The only thing the vet said is she would have expected Olive to gain weight in that time, since hyperthyroid causes cats to lose crazy amounts of weight while the medicine is supposed to reverse that, and Olive basically just maintained her weight. (It went down like .1 of a pound.) Because she hadn't gained weight, the vet worried that something else could be wrong with her that hasn't been tested for yet, like cancer. However, her non-weight gain or loss could just mean she's one of those cats who stabilizes and stays that way. It's hard to know one way or another.

The doctor gave us three options at that point. We could wait a few weeks to see if she gains weight over the next few weeks to rule out other issues. We could do some ultrasounds and x-rays to determine if she has lymphoma, like Kiki had, or any other cancers. Lastly, since we had no other indications that she had other issues, we could proceed with the surgery she needs to fix her teeth, which the vet says are really painful for her, and to remove the benign mass on her leg, which is only going to get bigger.

I chose option number three, and when I ran it past Mike later, he agreed. The vet warned me that if Olive does have underlying cancer, the surgery could kill her, which is very worrisome, but the way I figure it, if it's Olive's time to go, she will go. Otherwise, this is a surgery that she needs, and it does us no favors to delay it just to make sure she doesn't have yet another illness that will take her anyway. At this point, I'd rather not know. I certainly hope she will make it through (and have a good feeling she will given her difficult life before she came to me), but you can never know. Any surgery has the potential for complications, and we're taking an extra roll of the dice because of her advanced age here.

I say all this because I get to drop her off for surgery before work tomorrow and will be on call all day about it, so I'm pretty nervous about how it will go.

Had a nice enough weekend otherwise. I got to either talk to or hang out with the majority of my immediate family (Mom and siblings), and otherwise I've been doing a lot of cleaning or hanging out or nothing of note. Both Mike and I are pretty tired, so that's about all. Woo, I lead an exciting life. Maybe I'll have more to relate another time.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I took the day off today to take Olive to the vet. It really didn't take that long and I could've easily gone back to work, but at the time I requested it at work, I had no time off in sight and really wanted at least something to look forward to since we were still stuck in codification hell. This was before I asked for the time off to go to Vegas weekend before last, and I must say, it's a little weird to have a random Tuesday off.

Anyway, it's been a nice enough day. I slept in a little bit then got up to exercise to an older DVD I have that took 45 minutes of my day and kicked my ass. I had semi-planned on getting the bloodwork my doctor requested during my appointment last Monday, but I realized pretty quickly after that that I wasn't going to be able to continue fasting and be able to stay upright. I'll have to figure out another time to do that now. Yay, being an adult.

We took Olive to the vet after that, and she was really vocal on the way to the office. Otherwise, there's not much to report. She was there for a recheck on her bloodwork to see if the medication she's on has brought her thyroid under control enough for her to have surgery to remove the mass from her leg (which has grown a little bit but doesn't really concern the vet?) and to fix her teeth. We'll find out the results tomorrow. She hasn't lost weight, though, so hopefully it will work out.

After the appointment, Mike took me to breakfast (pupusas for the win) and then got ready to go because he has yet another food show to do, this time in Livermore woo. He's supposed to have a lot of customers there, though, so he should get a lot of followup business out of it (even though he's semi-drowning in followups from his last show). Hopefully it's not too painful, though.

Other than that, I took a long walk, messed around on the internet, and started a knitting project while watching too much TV, so not a very productive day. Hey, if you're going to ditch work for a vet appointment, might as well. I'll get to the bills tomorrow or something.

Some other recent happenings worth noting:
My brother got a new job! He's been very miserable at his current work since new management took over, and his last day there is this Friday. I found out he is going to do part-time work there to help with the transition while working 40 hours a week at the new gig, though, which I think is way too much given the way they've treated him. He's got to figure that out, though.

On a similar note, my younger sister has a few job interviews this week since her job with the university is not being renewed. Fingers crossed those go well. I wish I could say the same for my older sister, but that's neither here nor there.

We went to a show on Friday evening: Alton Brown Live: Eat Your Science Tour
It was fun! He did three different segments: Food God (on what he would do if he were Food God, like banning children's menus for example), Pick Your Poison (where an unlucky volunteer from the audience got to test Alton's theory on the best cocktails being three ingredients and how to use science to improve the ensuing rum-brandy-pixie sticks cocktail that ensued from the random nature of choosing the ingredients slot machine style), and Popcorn (where another unlucky volunteer helped build a giant working model of popcorn that popped all over her as well as showed off his giant popcorn maker that makes 4 bushels of popcorn at once). He also sang several songs, pronounced Nevada wrong, and was very, very snarky. Haha. It was a good time. My brother also went to the show, so we saw him afterward. He was convinced the volunteers from the audience were plants, but I wasn't so sure, considering how hard Alton was on them. Also, Alton had some saltier jokes and more of an adult edge to him that was different from his "Good Eats" show though the show was overall kid friendly. Very funny.

My in-laws 50th anniversary is this September. Need to figure out what were doing for that. Hmm... It still kind of boggles my mind that they were married the day before my parents were (11 years before that too, but just an odd coincidence). Our anniversary is very close by too, but we had a little bit more say in that: September 7th is ours. September 9th is Mike's parents. September 10th is my parents. September is, of course, a popular month for weddings, but it's still kind of nuts. That's a long time to be married, too.

But uh, I guess I should try to wind down and get ready for bed.
howeverbrief: (Skull)
I had a dream a few nights ago that woke me from a very deep sleep. What is it about people who have been gone ten years or more? How do they pop back in every once in a while and set the whole town ablaze only to vanish again? I don't even know what you look like anymore. I am long over all this. I am over wanting to mumble apologies and have them misunderstood, igniting the pain all over again, but that's what I do in my dreams. I face it without actually doing anything. It's anxiety I neither want nor need. We were never good enough together anyway.

I am worried about the cat again. She's sneezing. It is getting harder to get her to take the steroids, which yes, I wouldn't want to take either if I were her, but come on. Her eating seems to have slowed, and she puked while eating a little while ago. I'm sure it's nothing, but I am frightened anyway. We shall see.

Mike is out of town again. He was in Livermore Sunday night through Tuesday night for his monthly meeting at his home office. Tomorrow he has a food presentation he was asked to help with in Sacramento, and he has to get up really early. He is in another chat window I have open, but I am not being very good company right now. I don't know why I can't just... be okay, I guess.

Work is okay. Frustrating in certain ways. Still waiting for the work that's going to push us over the edge in this codification project. Still not quite getting anything else done except in fits and waves whenever there's a panic. This has been going on for too long, but apparently it shows no signs of stopping. There has to be an end. We have other things we need to do in the interim before session work arrives again sometime in the fall. We have no control, though. I think too damn much. I need to let it go.

I'm not making any sense really, stringing together words for the sake of it. Sorry. I'm feeling kind of down, and this isn't really helping. I'll try again later. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Because in your heart, it's loud. Oh...

Eeeeeurg

Feb. 16th, 2016 07:41 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
Not much to report. Been quite a while since I felt this sick to my stomach. It's been since Saturday night, so I'm not sure if it's food poisoning or just some sort of stomach bug since one of my workers was out with a stomach thing the beginning of last week. All I know is I'm nauseated, have no appetite, had several close calls even getting to the bathroom while getting dressed for work (ew, which is why I didn't go this morning) and doing stuff is hard. Also, note to self, Immodium AD needs to be put on the list of drugs that knock me out all day, which makes no damn sense except when you consider the weird sensitivity I have to certain drugs. Ugh.

Aside from that, I got to hang out with my favorite people this weekend. Had dinner with Aurora before I got sick, which was nice. The conversation did highlight how long it has been, though, so hopefully we can find time to get together again soon. Also, Mike and I shared Valentine's Day and the four-year anniversary of the day we actually met yesterday, and even though I was ill for it, he was a very good sport. We stayed home on Valentine's despite our plans to go for sushi, and it was still nice. Yesterday, we went to Tahoe in the morning for breakfast and a walk around where we shared our first kiss. I feel a little bad that I didn't get more done for him for our anniversary, but hopefully I can make it up to him soon too. Some years are like that, I guess.

Lastly, Kiki seems to be hanging in there well despite the step-down in steroid doses to once a day, so maybe she still has some time despite our decision not to have her undergo surgery. We shall see.

Here's hoping I feel better tomorrow. My stupid fitbit step average is getting killed by all this laying around. ;)
howeverbrief: (Skull)
I had a dream the other night that I lived in an apartment with my former friend Peter. (I say former because he blocked me on facebook a while back over who knows what, and, well, I'm fairly sure I won't see or hang out with him again because he's kind of crazy.) Anyway, while I was at work, someone broke into the apartment and stole a bunch of my things, including all my clothes. Peter said something about how all my things were in the building next door, and I needed to get them out before the thieves came back for them the next day. I went to look at the building and saw my clothes scattered all over the floor covered in broken glass from the large picture window the thieves broke while putting my stuff in the building. Well, I had to go to work again, and the next day, I came home in time to see Eddie Huang (who I can only think was in my head because of this commercial?) taking the rest of my things and disappearing through the door. Meanwhile, Peter had gotten some things replaced, and I had nothing left. My mom showed up for a visit and asked how I was doing. When I said I was exhausted, she said, "Oh, she's not that tired. She's had five days off."

Yeah, uh, whatever. I guess it beats the dream I had Friday night that I was late for work, my shower was outside, and people kept coming in and interrupting me.

Yesterday, Mike and I went to Smith to celebrate my mom's birthday early. We went to the Heyday and had a nice lunch before heading back to their place to set up the fitbit I got Mom for her birthday because her other one broke a few days ago as well as an ancestry.com account so she could get her DNA sample in the mail. (That one was partially selfish because I want to see how her DNA matches up with mine. Heh.) She also gave us some documents about her dad's family tree, and Mike got a copy of my dad's verb book to send to his dad. (My bad. Mike asked me ages ago to do this, and I forgot.) We also spent some time talking before we had to head out.

It was a good time. Afterward, we got some groceries and headed home for a late dinner, and exhaustion set in.

Today wasn't much. We slept in late, went out for breakfast and ran a few errands before he had to go to Livermore. (He got stuck in a traffic jam because of the incoming snowstorm, though, so he's barely made it after hours on the road. Kinda sucks. Barring bad weather, at least he'll be back tomorrow.) I took a walk after he left and then watched a show about Robert Hawkins that was super depressing. (Spoiler alert: He shot up a mall in Omaha in 2007, but his parents did damn near everything to help him before then.) So now I'm trying to dig myself out of that hole before it's time for bed and work and blah.

Let's see. I got a sleep machine from Amazon, and it has been helping my sleep somewhat. I feel like I've slept more deeply the last few nights, but certain things are still waking me up: Mike snoring, his CPAP machine screwing up, and the heat turning on at night being the big three reasons I'm still waking up. It could be that I just haven't figured out the optimum settings for the machine yet, but I'll keep working with it. For its part, it does help me get back to sleep more easily if I'm not worrying about other things, so that's a plus. We'll see.

There's other stuff going on, but it's more personal. I'm not sure if I want to talk about it just yet.
howeverbrief: (Skull)
Kung-fu fighting? )

Speaking of exes, I got this message on new year's eve: "With all the crap that's happened this year I want to say that I am sorry for the way that I treated you and acted around you. I was an insensitive asshole and it was a wonder that you were ever friends with me. That being said I want to thank you for all the years that we were friends and apologize for the years we were not because it was my fault! I hope you have a great 2016"

That would be from Thomas Warner, who I hadn't heard from since his grandmother, the only reason I knew him in the first place, died last April. Weird stuff. I didn't respond.

Not speaking of exes, we took Kiki to the vet yesterday because she's been sneezing for weeks now and getting it all over everything we own (plus we are still concerned and all, haha). The doctor gave Kiki another shot, her third since last August, as well as some information about a CT scan because she's still concerned she might have a nasal tumor and that would be the best way to figure out if she does, though they might take it and still not be able to see it. We're on the fence about it. On one hand, I'd like to know if she has cancer. On the other, it's an estimated $500-$1000 test, and every time they've given her this shot, she's gotten better for a while. Just hard to be on the roller coaster of not knowing, and since Kiki favors Mike, I'd hope he wouldn't have to go through the same deal he went through with his cat, Katie. Time will tell I guess. New to this appointment, they found she had a swollen lymph node in her leg that could be due to inflammation or cancer as well, so that's fun. This is not counting in Olive, who we haven't gotten a senior screen for but should because she's reabsorbing a tooth and should probably get dental work but they don't know if that would kill her in the process because of her age. Sigh.

And we're considering children at some point?!

This weekend has been pretty low-key otherwise. Usual chores and such. We also went to brunch today for an early celebration for my dad's birthday, which was nice, no drama, and tasty. Otherwise, my head is in a weird place, but at least I also have the day off tomorrow. Not much else to report now, I suppose.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Uh.... a big 10-4 there, good buddy. My room was filled with stuffed animals as a kid. Because my dad still lives in the house I grew up in, I think the closet still is. When I was really young, I thought they were alive and talked and did stuff when I was out of the room. I also took special pains to not make others jealous when I was spending a lot of time with a particular stuffed animal.

(Toy Story came out when I was 12, if you're curious. That movie's not the reason I felt that way, though I did identify with that movie a lot. Haha.)

I wouldn't say that I had an absolute favorite. Different times in my life, I was obsessed with different toys. For example, when I had hernia surgery in the second grade, I took my bear Nyla with me. (I remember the nurses put a mask on her and gave her "anesthesia" as well.) Another year for Easter I think, I got a white rabbit in a green velveteen suit that I loved. (I really enjoyed The Velveteen Rabbit as a kid, which is probably more accurately the place I got the idea that toys were real. I think I won the book in a contest at school or the library. That was probably around that time.) A different Christmas, my mom had seen me eyeing a bear that was a chimney sweep named Sooty Sam. (I like Mary Poppins, but I'm not sure why I was so obsessed with this bear in particular. I must have really annoyed them with my screeches about "Sooty Sam!" that year.) When I was a little older, my parents brought back a bear that was wearing a shirt collar and tie. I then became obsessed with finding him a wife. (Not sure why. I was never wedding crazy as a kid. I just didn't want my animals to be without friends and mates.)

And along with all this, there were too many cat stuffed animals to count, some of which I even sewed myself. I'm pretty sure there's a row of them still in the closet at my parents' home because I organized things like that. I could probably still tell you all their life stories. Weirdo.

Do I still enjoy them as an adult? Uh... I don't have a guest room filled with them or anything. I don't talk to Mike with my squishible mini t-rex and the other dinosaurs plus various other characters I own an annoying and unhealthy amount of the time. (Wait, I do. Oops.) Not to mention I bought him a police officer puppet named Cyrus who is a filthy, dirty cop on our honeymoon who likes to talk about drugs and whores and who has since had a barely legal (or illegal?) teen puppet in a cheerleading outfit named Megan join him. (Mike generally voices both of them, though he insists my voice for him is creepier.)

Ah, anyway, I probably have more animals than a self-respecting 32-year-old should have, but there you go.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
So... I don't know if I mentioned that I was getting a DNA test through ancestry.com. Mike and I sent in our samples around Halloween, and while his isn't fully processed yet, I have results now.

My ethnicity estimate is a-like so:
Great Britain: 59%
Ireland: 33%
Scandinavia: 3%
Europe East: 2%
Asia South: 1%
Caucasus: 1%
Europe West: <1%

To no one's surprise, I am very white. To my surprise, however, there is very little if any German in there and much less Irish than I thought. This is weird to me because my father is entirely Irish, and my mother is half German. (She has family stories from her father, who supposedly was a double spy in WWII because he spoke German, about being related to Austrian or German royalty. She's never been able to confirm if this is true.) My parents are probably more British than both of them know. Haha. The Scandinavian percentage amuses me, though, because my dad had a red beard with dark hair when I was growing up. I was always convinced he had some Viking blood in there. The other stuff? Uh, I don't know. It's weird that all my lineage seems to come from the same general area.

I haven't done much looking into it beyond finding the results interesting. There's a fair amount going on otherwise. We also got a nice card from Mike's niece Riley about her mission. We need to write her back, but we've sent her several emails and a package. Kind of funny how far away we've gotten from actual written communication these days. Sounds like things are going well for her though.

Short week ahead and Thanksgiving, where I'll be making a pie and not doing much else since we're sticking around Reno this year. I got the go-ahead to take a few days off to go to San Francisco with Mike to see his friend Nate who is visiting in the middle of December. The week after that is Christmas. Then we're off to New Mexico for the last week of the year. Lots to look forward to, even if we need to get there first. Usual chores are done even if I managed to hurt my knee again somehow. So it goes.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
I've been having a lot of jacked up dreams lately, most of which I mercifully don't remember. This one, though, I did. Dreams are dumb )

We had a very nice visit in Utah.Farewell Riley )

This week hasn't been too strenuous. I worked for three days then had yesterday off so I could go with Mike to his follow-up appointment for his ankle. His doctor said he could start putting weight on his foot again, but to do so gradually so he can get used to it again after not being on it for eight weeks. He is still using his crutches to get around, but at least he can now put both feet on the ground and move forward. I think that makes things much easier to deal with. After we got home, I finished a blanket I started the week I broke my own foot, so I guess that's kind of fitting. Hopefully going forward won't involve any more broken feet, but we'll see what the future holds.

Other than that, got a new dishwasher today (because I've hated the way ours doesn't clean our dishes for quite a while now) and custom framed Mike's anniversary gift (a printout on cloth of our vows). We also finally got to try Peg's Glorious Ham 'n Eggs, which opened in our town a few weeks ago, and bought some groceries. Pretty successful overall, I think. Mike goes to Livermore tomorrow, and then it's time for another week. So it goes.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Mike made it through his surgery fine! He was out of anesthesia earlier than scheduled, and everything seems to be going well despite him still being in pain. (It's at least different pain since the doctor fixed his fracture.) The doctor said he did not have to do the third procedure he thought he might have (he was thinking of another patient), but he did have to put a screw through the fibula into the other bone, which increases his non-weight bearing to eight weeks instead of six. Other than that, he has the standard plate and screws, and he got his appetite back pretty much right away. It was hard on him because he got a nerve block, which numbed his whole foot for about 24 hours and looked pretty painful to put in place. It wore off at 5:00ish this morning, but he otherwise seems to be doing pretty good.

And I would have gone back to work today had it not been for the cold I seem to have picked up somewhere-- sore throat, congestion, sneezing, coughing, alternating runny nose and eye (only on the left side of my face) and headache. Awesome! Why not, right?! I'm definitely not needed at work or for anything else! Sigh. So it goes.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
Mike has ankle surgery tomorrow. We have to be there at 6:00 a.m. I'm super not looking forward to the early morning. My mom is already in Reno and has plans to sit with me for the hour it will take to do the surgery and the other hour it will take until he's ready to go home. Otherwise, uh, I dunno. Mike has never had surgery before, and I'm not sure how anesthesia will affect him. I have plans to stay with him for the recommended 24-hour-period, but beyond that is touch and go. Work is ramping up, and it's hard to be away from it (though I made a pretty dumb mistake this afternoon that I'm still kind of miffed at myself for). It is what it is, and I don't have anything remarkable to say about anything really. I mostly thought about posting about it on facebook but realized I didn't want my whole friends list to know the particulars. (If Mike posted about it, it would be different, but he hasn't either.) I wanted to record it, but I didn't want to answer particulars from the peanut gallery. Kind thoughts are still very much appreciated, though.

I guess I'm trying not to think about it because if I do, I get nervous and worried. When they scheduled the surgery, the doctor said it wasn't urgent but if they didn't go in and realign his ankle with a plate and screws (and depending on what they find, turn another bone around if necessary), he might be worse off in the long run. Mike keeps saying he feels like if he just stayed off of it for a while, it would be fine. Sigh. Surgery is surgery, though, and it's scary to think about what-ifs. Have I always been this ridiculous about possibilities and the unknown? Who am I kidding asking that question anyway?

It's hard. Not going to lie. I'm doing my best, but I'm not even really very good at that. I've retreated to the guest room because I've been sleeping worse than normal lately, and that's not good for anyone. He never seems to get comfortable. Hopefully the surgery will fix that. Either way, he has to be non-weight-bearing for six weeks, and with my work where it is, I'm not going to be home all that much. More than session because it will be a fixed schedule, but still less than the usual shifts. His work allows him to work from home, so that currently doesn't seem to be an issue, though he hasn't been doing much of that either.

I'm a little stressed out, and I'm not sure what to look forward to. That's life though, I guess. Got to be present in the muck sometimes in order to get out of it or something. Metaphors are failing me. I should probably turn in before it's 4:00 in the morning and time to wake up again, yeah? Ugh. Oh well. Hopefully Mike gets through it all okay and we patch up the rest in post. Whatever that means. I'd like to have at least one summer that doesn't end up like this, but we'll see how it goes.

I'm glad August is almost over anyway. Stupid August. No one likes you.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Honestly, I didn't have many plans at the start of the year beyond "make it through session." Well, that and don't break any more body parts, but that's a given considering how much my foot still hurts and reminds me when storms are coming.

It's been a big year. It was the start of my first cycle as supervisor handling eight proofreaders during the legislative session, and it wasn't all that easy. I think I did a fairly good job for having replaced my boss, who did the job for ten years plus and saw a lot of changes to her job in that time. I'm not sure if it would have been possible for her to convey to me just how many facets there are to supervising. Some I picked up from watching her, but a lot of it has been a steep learning curve, especially when it comes to relations between my people. I mean, I knew handling relationships between people would be part of the job, but I had no idea how big of a percentage and how unprepared I'd be for some of the scenarios I've run across.

Suffice it to say I'm still learning and will probably never fully figure it out.

It's been stressful and hard on Mike as well, considering he only got to experience session stress from a few states away last time, and I know it can't have been easy to deal with my freaking out about hours and deadlines and everything else that goes along with trying to keep up with the legislature, not to mention our various health problems and just general adjustments that go along with newer marriages and life. So far, he's helped me immensely, and I don't remember how I got through it without him the last two times. He's such a sweetheart, and thought he has his own work issues, I'm pretty sure he's helped me out far more than I've helped him. I'm very lucky he sticks around sometimes.

It's been difficult to see my body deteriorate, though. I've recently become more and more aware of how weak my physique is compared to before I broke my foot. At that point, I was just starting to see the effects of less exercise due to being a newly wed and lazier specimen in general, but now I'm definitely feeling like I'm not where I want to be physically. I'm trying to start my old exercise routine before work again, but it is challenging to get up earlier in the morning not to mention we'll be going back on overtime soon to do codification and I'll have much less time to figure it out then. Sigh.

Work/life balance has become rougher to figure out. I wouldn't trade my life with Mike for anything I had before, but it is hard to see what's coming and plan for the future. Certain days I feel like I have all the time in the world to do what we want to do, and other times I feel my biological clock ticking. I don't know when I'll be ready. I don't know if there's a right time to do anything, really. I do know we'd make anything work, but there are many more unknowns that I can't seem to square with myself right now. I suppose there's no harm in leaving it alone until things settle into whatever they're going to settle into. If there is, I won't know until later anyway.

Most of my life can be summed up in this sentence anyway: "I needn't have worried." This seems to become more true the more I repeat it to myself after particularly stressful events that turned out to not be so bad, so... Why worry about it now? I needn't have worried. It'll work out and be okay.

Ongoing

Jul. 6th, 2015 10:31 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
I had a dream the other night that I woke up and fell going down stairs in slow motion. In a daze, I heard the front door rattling. As I crawled toward it, a strange man broke the lock and started walking through the door. I tried shouting at him to get out and asking why he was there, but my voice was too weak and sleepy. Then I woke up.

I've been sleeping pretty badly. Don't know why. My dad put up the curtain rod in the master bedroom weekend before last, and my mom kindly hemmed the curtains we found online (because no one in this town sells the exact size we need, of course). Apparently, I just get to wake up at 5ish most mornings regardless. Well, if I'm lucky it's only one time a night. Next on the "try" board is reducing the dose of OTC allergy medicine I take, drinking less water before bed, praying to the voodoo gods, sacrificing a goat... Okay, only some of those. Maybe I'll figure out what the heck is going on soon. Probably not.

The 4th of July was pretty nice-- just hung out in Reno with my sister, her friend from work, my brother, my mom and Mike. We ate too much, played Uno early in the afternoon then Cards Against Humanity later while waiting for fireworks. My mom sat at the table and listened during that game, which was awkward at times, especially when one of the answers ended up being "The primal ball-slapping sex your parents are having this second." (I think my sister played that on my brother, which kind of makes it worse. He also didn't appreciate being played the "Motherfucking Sorcerer" card either and refused to read it out loud. Hahaha.) She said something like, "I can see how this game could be fun." Oh, sorry, Mom. Oh well.

Ah, not much else happening. I need to train people again tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to but will be fairly easy. Past Fiona did most of the work for me already, and I just have to do the talking and explaining part now. Meh.

BUT we just have to make it to Friday. We're leaving for Vermont early Saturday, and that'll be nice. Just have to make it to the other coast and semi-isolated cabin in the woods and yes.

Okay. My stomach is having a full on hatefest at the moment, which has interrupted this post several times already, so I'll stop here for now.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
I had a dream that I was back in college and dating Chris again, only I figured out later I'm married and felt really bad about it. My dream self then decided to debate who was the best out of him, Austin and Mike, and of course, Mike came out on top for several reasons, which made me feel even worse for kissing and having feelings for someone behind his back.

I woke up alone. Of course. Mike's in Livermore.

I realized today that it's been close to if not exactly ten years since I've seen Chris. If I felt like digging, I could figure out the precise day, but it doesn't really matter. As far as I know, he's long gone from here. Not too many months after that, I started up with Austin, and that relationship remains the longest I've ever been in, but not for too much longer. (May of next year will crush that record if you're curious.) Austin lives closer to me, but I haven't seen him in maybe four and a half years? Just after I started working here but before I moved, I think.

I've known Very Pretty for almost fourteen years. (How's that for weird, eh college roommate?) Certain other friends have come and gone in that period. Before her, my longest friendship lasted twelve years before I severed ties. Most of the people I grew up with I either don't talk to or don't know anymore outside of facebook, and that's okay.

Recently, I've been downsizing my friend's list there. I had a strong reaction to seeing pictures of someone I went on one pseudo date with after breaking up with Austin which didn't go anywhere because he had some derogatory things to say about gay people at the end of it. I literally know more about him through his facebook than I do from the time I spent in real life with him, and I decided I didn't care at all about him. Then I looked around and decided I didn't care about a lot of people, and suddenly I was below 120 friends on facebook.

I've probably spent a little too much time thinking about how social contacts used to work. I seem to recall in pre-internet times being able to entirely fall out of touch with someone over the course of your life, to the point where you hardly (if ever) think about them if they didn't mean anything to you. Also, it was a lot harder to look someone up if you ever had a passing whim about them, let alone a search engine at your fingertips begging you to find out, hey, that person lives this sort of life now! Isn't that interesting and not at all ultimately useless? Perhaps this sounds cruel and weird of me, but I've been feeling like that antiquated process would be preferable to the many slow deaths of relationships you experience over social media--people ghosting out of your life instead of reminding you every once in a while what they ate for dinner and how much you've both changed and disagree now. Lives coming together then drifting apart. The same old story told by different players.

I guess I'm mostly tired of caring about people who wouldn't notice if I suddenly disappeared. Yeah, I guess that makes me an asshole.

My dad was here yesterday and looked at one of the paintings I have on my wall. He said it was amazing because my Uncle John painted one almost exactly like it, down to the circles and color scheme. My mom said I was my uncle's niece. I wish I could have gotten to know him as an adult. He's been gone for fourteen years. I miss him.

But here we are, and time is short. It seems to be getting shorter all the time.

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