I've got the valium blues, valium blues, valium blues.
I like the way it sounds. Maybe it'll be my new band name. You know, because I totally have a band. Sure. Maybe someday I'll write insufferable poetry again. Everyone loves that.
It's strange because I can totally see why people become addicted to prescription medication. Since October, I've been on generic forms of vicodin (for my teeth), percocet (for right after surgery) and valium (for the muscle spasms and/or pulled muscle I have from getting my new cast), and I've had weird effects from all of them. Vicodin gave me headaches; I started worrying I wouldn't be able to function at all if I didn't get off of percocet; and valium is making me depressed. I have a bottle of tramadol they gave me when I went to the emergency room I haven't even touched. I don't even know what to do with it all, but hey, at least I'm finally off of freaking antibiotics as of this morning. I guess I'm kind of lucky I don't like the way most medicines make me feel, otherwise I'd be tempted to take another valium and just sleep this off. Besides that, medicine almost always seems to stays in my system longer than normal, so it's not much of a surprise that I avoid it as much as possible under normal circumstances.
Well, considering I was knocked out for three and a half days on the valium, I guess it makes sense I'm having some issues with it now. At least I was able to get up for lunch with my family for my parents' combined birthday celebration lunch yesterday and also to go to work today. It was nice to visit, get some projects done and do something with my life other than sleep. Now I'm just waiting for Mike to get back from his sales meeting and thinking about stuff that's long dead and pretty unimportant in the long run. I don't know why this shit pops back into my head sometimes. Hell, I don't even know why Mike puts up with me most of the time right now. I guess there'll be plenty of time for payback, and hopefully I'll handle it as well as he has. Just... I don't know. I shouldn't even feel bad right now especially considering how lucky I am. It's kind of stupid. I'm glad to be awake and all, but I hope I don't feel like this tomorrow. At least my leg doesn't hurt as badly, I guess. I also found out I can take my foot out of the cast and move my ankle around as long as I don't move my midfoot or toes, so that's a plus. Something has to be positive, right?
Anyway. Lyrics just because.
"Unsubstantiated Rumors Are Good Enough For Me (To Base My Life Upon)
[Spoken:] It's getting warm.
Well do you wanna talk about it,
Do you think you'd understand,
How things can get so fucked up
with such good, such good intentions.
And if, if roofs turn to sky,
Held by the gravity of nothing,
An ironic and literal making of a bed.
You know, you can walk away,
But there is a reason to stay.
They make bad, bad jokes, it's okay not to laugh.
For every push forward, you get the same fucking push back.
You had, you had nowhere to go,
so you, so you found someplace,
you had, you had nothing to say
you start lying
What the fuck were you thinking
I'm not sorry
I'd do it all again.
All the lines between hate, love, and revenge
it's just dead, it's dead, it's dead, they're just dead feelings.
And really, it's just that. I'm not sorry. I'd do it all again.