howeverbrief: (Winter)
Hey, stupid self;
Don't look stuff up on moles on the internet because the mole you've had as long as you can remember hurts and your dad said you should get it checked out. It'll just make you think you have cancer and freak out, and you don't have a regular doctor to go to, remember?
Thanks for nothing, hypochondria.
Best (and quit being dumb or go get a doctor);
Fiona

...

Mar. 15th, 2016 09:15 pm
howeverbrief: (Winter)
What a stupid, disappointing day.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Honestly, I didn't have many plans at the start of the year beyond "make it through session." Well, that and don't break any more body parts, but that's a given considering how much my foot still hurts and reminds me when storms are coming.

It's been a big year. It was the start of my first cycle as supervisor handling eight proofreaders during the legislative session, and it wasn't all that easy. I think I did a fairly good job for having replaced my boss, who did the job for ten years plus and saw a lot of changes to her job in that time. I'm not sure if it would have been possible for her to convey to me just how many facets there are to supervising. Some I picked up from watching her, but a lot of it has been a steep learning curve, especially when it comes to relations between my people. I mean, I knew handling relationships between people would be part of the job, but I had no idea how big of a percentage and how unprepared I'd be for some of the scenarios I've run across.

Suffice it to say I'm still learning and will probably never fully figure it out.

It's been stressful and hard on Mike as well, considering he only got to experience session stress from a few states away last time, and I know it can't have been easy to deal with my freaking out about hours and deadlines and everything else that goes along with trying to keep up with the legislature, not to mention our various health problems and just general adjustments that go along with newer marriages and life. So far, he's helped me immensely, and I don't remember how I got through it without him the last two times. He's such a sweetheart, and thought he has his own work issues, I'm pretty sure he's helped me out far more than I've helped him. I'm very lucky he sticks around sometimes.

It's been difficult to see my body deteriorate, though. I've recently become more and more aware of how weak my physique is compared to before I broke my foot. At that point, I was just starting to see the effects of less exercise due to being a newly wed and lazier specimen in general, but now I'm definitely feeling like I'm not where I want to be physically. I'm trying to start my old exercise routine before work again, but it is challenging to get up earlier in the morning not to mention we'll be going back on overtime soon to do codification and I'll have much less time to figure it out then. Sigh.

Work/life balance has become rougher to figure out. I wouldn't trade my life with Mike for anything I had before, but it is hard to see what's coming and plan for the future. Certain days I feel like I have all the time in the world to do what we want to do, and other times I feel my biological clock ticking. I don't know when I'll be ready. I don't know if there's a right time to do anything, really. I do know we'd make anything work, but there are many more unknowns that I can't seem to square with myself right now. I suppose there's no harm in leaving it alone until things settle into whatever they're going to settle into. If there is, I won't know until later anyway.

Most of my life can be summed up in this sentence anyway: "I needn't have worried." This seems to become more true the more I repeat it to myself after particularly stressful events that turned out to not be so bad, so... Why worry about it now? I needn't have worried. It'll work out and be okay.
howeverbrief: (Smile)
Things I've learned in the past year:

Breaking stuff can happen really quickly, even if you're healthy and have never broken anything like it before.

Stairs are terrifying.

Handicap services are totally helpful when you need them.

Muscle mass is easy to lose and much harder to get back.

You can lose joints in your foot via surgery just so you can walk sometime again.

I used to walk really fast.

People notice a lot more than I give them credit for.

It's possible to have an infection for a long time without realizing what it is.

You can breathe without feeling constantly congested. It just might take surgery.

Also, a carryover from last year: Don't blow your nose after you get your wisdom teeth out. You could cause yourself a rare problem that messes up half your year.

My mother and new family members are very supportive.

Marriage is different than I thought it would be. It's much harder but also more fulfilling in ways I didn't know existed.

I married a decent man.

I have forgotten what it's like to live alone. I'm okay with that.

Sometimes, even though it seems like a diagnosis fits, your cat is just a jerk.

Even if you've been through something multiple times, you can feel totally unprepared for what's ahead.

I thought I had more to say, but I'm going to leave it there. Happy 2015.

Gross.

Nov. 5th, 2014 10:04 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
Midterm elections. UGH! So depressing.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
I've got the valium blues, valium blues, valium blues.

I like the way it sounds. Maybe it'll be my new band name. You know, because I totally have a band. Sure. Maybe someday I'll write insufferable poetry again. Everyone loves that.

It's strange because I can totally see why people become addicted to prescription medication. Since October, I've been on generic forms of vicodin (for my teeth), percocet (for right after surgery) and valium (for the muscle spasms and/or pulled muscle I have from getting my new cast), and I've had weird effects from all of them. Vicodin gave me headaches; I started worrying I wouldn't be able to function at all if I didn't get off of percocet; and valium is making me depressed. I have a bottle of tramadol they gave me when I went to the emergency room I haven't even touched. I don't even know what to do with it all, but hey, at least I'm finally off of freaking antibiotics as of this morning. I guess I'm kind of lucky I don't like the way most medicines make me feel, otherwise I'd be tempted to take another valium and just sleep this off. Besides that, medicine almost always seems to stays in my system longer than normal, so it's not much of a surprise that I avoid it as much as possible under normal circumstances.

Well, considering I was knocked out for three and a half days on the valium, I guess it makes sense I'm having some issues with it now. At least I was able to get up for lunch with my family for my parents' combined birthday celebration lunch yesterday and also to go to work today. It was nice to visit, get some projects done and do something with my life other than sleep. Now I'm just waiting for Mike to get back from his sales meeting and thinking about stuff that's long dead and pretty unimportant in the long run. I don't know why this shit pops back into my head sometimes. Hell, I don't even know why Mike puts up with me most of the time right now. I guess there'll be plenty of time for payback, and hopefully I'll handle it as well as he has. Just... I don't know. I shouldn't even feel bad right now especially considering how lucky I am. It's kind of stupid. I'm glad to be awake and all, but I hope I don't feel like this tomorrow. At least my leg doesn't hurt as badly, I guess. I also found out I can take my foot out of the cast and move my ankle around as long as I don't move my midfoot or toes, so that's a plus. Something has to be positive, right?

Anyway. Lyrics just because.

"Unsubstantiated Rumors Are Good Enough For Me (To Base My Life Upon)
[Spoken:] It's getting warm.

Well do you wanna talk about it,
Do you think you'd understand,
How things can get so fucked up
with such good, such good intentions.
And if, if roofs turn to sky,
Held by the gravity of nothing,
An ironic and literal making of a bed.
You know, you can walk away,
But there is a reason to stay.

They make bad, bad jokes, it's okay not to laugh.
For every push forward, you get the same fucking push back.
You had, you had nowhere to go,
so you, so you found someplace,
you had, you had nothing to say
you start lying

What the fuck were you thinking
I'm not sorry
I'd do it all again.
All the lines between hate, love, and revenge
it's just dead, it's dead, it's dead, they're just dead feelings.
-Against Me!

And really, it's just that. I'm not sorry. I'd do it all again.

Jerks

Jan. 5th, 2014 08:47 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
It seems to be one of those weird, selfish facts of my life recently that I won't remember much of the new words I learn unless I can directly connect them to my life. This isn't on purpose, but my memory seems to escape me more than it used to. Case in point, I read about hypnagogic jerks (or hypnic jerks) on a list of rarely used terms for everyday experiences. It means a small involuntary motion that happens when you're just about to fall asleep. I thought it was very interesting (and appropriately goofy sounding), but I promptly forgot about it right after reading until a few days ago.

Now that these jerks produce a pretty painful shock almost every time I'm falling asleep right now, I'm having trouble getting the term off my mind.

Wuvs

Nov. 17th, 2013 09:44 pm
howeverbrief: (Black)
Today, I got my hair cut for the first time as a married woman. You know, only three months later. That's kind of ridiculous.

Unrelated, but also appropriate, our photographer finished editing our wedding pictures. <3

If you didn't catch our link on facebook, the site is here.

Also, Mike starts his new job tomorrow, so lots of things are coming together. :)
howeverbrief: (Smile)
I've been thinking a lot about time lately.

I hope I don't reach the end of my life and wish I had more time, especially considering all the hours I've spent waiting for work to be over.

Ah, haha, ho.
howeverbrief: (Black)
On the way back to the hotel after eating at Vernon's Hidden Valley Steakhouse (a speakeasy-themed steakhouse where we had an awkward experience at the bar but a very tasty meal), I had this conversation.

"I think I'm drunk on steak."
"Oh, well I hope not. I wouldn't want to steak advantage of you."

The rest of the weekend? Very enjoyable (despite the problems we had with reservations), but I'll talk about that another time.

Booooo.

Jun. 25th, 2013 09:09 pm
howeverbrief: (Winter)
What... what the hell is this new homepage, livejournal? I don't know even where to begin.

Yeah, I have other stuff going on, but that's all I have to say at the moment. Bleh.
howeverbrief: (Temp)
I find it ridiculous and frustrating that even though I have monumentally more free time now, I can't stay focused long enough to write anything down. Lots of things are happening (or on the verge of happening), and I'm looking into lots of other things just because life tends to veer like that, which is a vague way of saying nothing in particular. I just can't seem to find a way to talk about it in any sort of satisfying way.

I hope I can find my way out of this soon. Maybe even tomorrow. That's usually how this works. We'll see. If not, at least you'll know where I am. Boooo.
howeverbrief: (Winter)
I go through these periods during session where I work really, really long days and use every second of free time I have to take care of essential chores. I get so exhausted that all I want to do is have a day off to rest, and dreaming of that day is sometimes all that keeps me going.

Then I get to that day, and I'm completely and utterly bored to death by it.

Maybe it's a combination of the heat, restlessness, still being exhausted, my long walk earlier, only doing a few productive things today (instead of jamming everything I could possibly need to do into one day), not wanting to do anything, Mike being away most of the day (for his brother's reception I wanted to go to but couldn't see spending $750 on plane tickets for at this point), remembering how boring tv can be, and just trying to power down from going a hundred miles an hour all the time to a more reasonable pace. It's weird, and it'll probably take some getting used to again.

Uh, anyway. Never satisfied, I guess.
howeverbrief: (Ink)
I wonder about a lot of weird things, like if the last frivolous purchase you make in a year helps define what the next year will bring. This makes no sense, of course. Lots of things happen that are not connected to each other, even if lots of coincidences seem to link themselves together regardless. Sure, they probably have no significance (okay, the probability is closer to 'most likely' considering my subject), but it's still something that zipped across my mind as I wound my way through Target earlier.

Whatever it's worth, tonight I bought thank you cards, two different kinds of hot sauce, and a watch. Hope you have a prosperous year ahead of you.

EDIT: Okay, I still think Gangnam Style is hilarious. That is all.

Jerk Cats

Dec. 12th, 2012 10:25 pm
howeverbrief: (Default)
*Warning: Candid talk about animal bodily functions. Potentially gross.*

Weekend before last, I needed to buy cat food. I decided at the pet store to buy my two semi-sweet kitties some new, better food-- weight management and hairball formula because one cat has a weight problem (Olive) and the other has a puking problem (Kiki). Well, I got it home and was kind of excited at the prospect of maybe cutting down the semi-ridiculous amount of time I clean up after my cats, especially after work when I'm tired.

Oh, the pet food gods just looked down and laughed at me.

Almost immediately after I poured out the new food, Olive started puking it up all over the place. With Kiki, I had no problems at all. (I even wondered if she was eating. Her litter box cleared that inquiry up.) But with Olive, I woke up to multiple piles of puke in the morning. I came home to multiple piles of puke at night. Still, Olive really wanted to eat it and kept trying, temporarily storing away more ammo for later.

Frustrated, I searched online for an explanation and figured it out; apparently cats can be sensitive to dietary changes. What was the solution? Mix the old food in with the new to give the cat's system time to adjust. Okay. The only problem was I couldn't do that because I'd already mixed the food together and didn't have enough of the old food to make a difference.

So puking it was! I bought the food to get rid of puking, and it only multiplied the problem in a different way. After almost two weeks of this, I almost lost it. Then a few days ago, I noticed the puking had slowed to once a day, and yesterday, there was none! I was cautious but went to bed pleased.

Then this morning happened. I got up and searched for puke but found none. I congratulated Olive and went downstairs to find Kiki digging in her litter box and a giant pile of shit on my rug. Awesome. I cleaned it up angrily and went to work. When I got back home, to add insult to injury, I looked around for more piles of shit, and finding none, I congratulated Kiki and went upstairs to find that she'd puked on my down comforter.

So glad I bought that miracle cat food. This is why we can't have nice things.

Stay Close

Nov. 26th, 2012 10:51 pm
howeverbrief: (Skull)
So Mike got in a car accident today. I spent most of the day at work trying not to freak out because there was nothing I could do, even when my boss told me it would be fine if I had to go home. What would I have done at home, sat and worried more? Whatever. It's just another reminder of certain challenges of distance and not being able to actually be there for someone. He's okay-- banged up and his car's totaled which entirely sucks, but he's okay.

I keep wanting to say something that'll wrap it all up, like, "Well, it goes to show you that you can't prepare for everything, can you?"

But that just strikes me as trite and stupid because it's a lesson often repeated that I never seem to learn.

In Passing

Sep. 27th, 2012 09:30 pm
howeverbrief: (Smile)
1. How it happens every time:
"Cat A puked on the couch again. Cat A is always getting into trouble, though! I never have problems with Cat B."

The next day, Cat B violently pukes in multiple places while I look on in horror.

Ugh, oh well.

2. I had a dream a few nights ago that a man was playing basketball on a cruise ship. He was doing really well until he slammed the ball through the hoop, which split the ship in half and sent it to the bottom of the ocean.

Another passer-by turned to me and said, "Duncan didn't know he couldn't dunk."

3. It's amazing how adding two hours to a regular shift every day makes me HOMG that much more tired. Blah. It's only one hour in the morning (for which I have to get up at 6:00 instead of my usual 6:30 or 7:00) and a half an hour at night (because we make up the other half hour by cutting it out of our lunch breaks), but good lord, I'm not used to it yet. I will get used to it, of course. You get inured to that sort of thing after a while, even if you are zombied-out most of the time. Still, so not working well this week.

4. Mike is coming tomorrow and staying for the weekend. Then after that, it's not long until we go to Ireland, something like two or two and a half weeks. Have I talked about that trip yet, about how Mike won a sales contest at his work and the prize was a trip for two and he asked me to go with him? It was really iffy if I was going to be able to go, but it worked out somehow even though there are work deadlines and such. Also the still being together thing even though distance and other issues and whatever. Hearts. I can't remember. It'll be cool, though.

5. Lastly, no, I haven't heard anything. I'm doing my best not to read anything into that, but I'm not sure if it's working or not. So it goes.

And I should really go to bed now. Too bad I still need to do nighttime chores. D'oh! After that! Yes, yes.

EDIT: Or more like after I hang out on the internet until past my bedtime again. Double boo.

.

Sep. 18th, 2012 10:51 pm
howeverbrief: (Default)
Nervous nervous nervous

* * *

Aug. 11th, 2012 12:37 am
howeverbrief: (Ink)
How did you end up here?
howeverbrief: (Skull)
What do you do when
it's all over and
you can't go back?

Will you have done your best or
missed your chance?

Profile

howeverbrief: (Default)
howeverbrief

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