Oct. 2nd, 2011

howeverbrief: (Skull)
I took a walk this morning because I'm getting tired of not being able to exercise. (This was in spite of trying to lift weights yesterday then trying to clean the floor after I got back from work, which completely wiped me out.) Even though I took an easier route (meaning the mile and a half one rather than the 3-mile one), I ended up coughing and sneezing most of the way because I somehow forgot I also have allergies on top of being sick still. Now I don't want to do anything even though I really ought to try to finish what I started last night. This cold is the worst thing ever.

I had a long rambly dream about college last night. It mostly involved talking to a large group of friends while walking on campus and being annoyed by an old boyfriend who kept popping up everywhere. Why he keeps showing up in my dreams, I'll probably never know. I kept feeling like I was forgetting something; and when we were walking to class, I realized I wasn't carrying my notes or anything to write with; so I had to run back to a large, dark hall filled with other students I didn't know to grab a folder only to remember that I also needed my notebook and I would have to run and get that too, which meant I would be late for class and probably end up sitting next to my ex the whole time. I woke up in the midst of running and cursing myself for not being able to run faster.

I've never liked being late. Throughout my childhood, my mom was perpetually late to things, especially church. I don't blame her because she had a lot on her plate having four children in the span of five years and running the hotel/casino business at the same time, but it still drove me crazy to walk in when an event had already started. I hate making other people wait for me. It goes along with not enjoying being the center of attention or being called out for things I can't do much about. I usually try to get everywhere I need to be with five or ten minutes to spare, though it doesn't always work. I really only have to worry about being late to work, and it helps that I live really close, though the earlier I have to get up, the slower I seem to move. 6:00 is still not agreeing with me, but whatever. You get used to it.

This is one of the reasons I think I can never really sleep well the night before I have to go back to work. I end up having panicky dreams that I'm late and missed my alarm or turned it off or something, so I wake up multiple times with racing thoughts and am barely able to go back to sleep before my alarm actually goes off. I always seem to start the week this way, which sucks. I have no idea how to make it stop.

Somehow I'm still tired despite actually sleeping the whole night. Grand. Guess I'll figure it out.

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