The Slice

( Kung-fu fighting? )

Speaking of exes, I got this message on new year's eve: "With all the crap that's happened this year I want to say that I am sorry for the way that I treated you and acted around you. I was an insensitive asshole and it was a wonder that you were ever friends with me. That being said I want to thank you for all the years that we were friends and apologize for the years we were not because it was my fault! I hope you have a great 2016"

That would be from Thomas Warner, who I hadn't heard from since his grandmother, the only reason I knew him in the first place, died last April. Weird stuff. I didn't respond.

Not speaking of exes, we took Kiki to the vet yesterday because she's been sneezing for weeks now and getting it all over everything we own (plus we are still concerned and all, haha). The doctor gave Kiki another shot, her third since last August, as well as some information about a CT scan because she's still concerned she might have a nasal tumor and that would be the best way to figure out if she does, though they might take it and still not be able to see it. We're on the fence about it. On one hand, I'd like to know if she has cancer. On the other, it's an estimated $500-$1000 test, and every time they've given her this shot, she's gotten better for a while. Just hard to be on the roller coaster of not knowing, and since Kiki favors Mike, I'd hope he wouldn't have to go through the same deal he went through with his cat, Katie. Time will tell I guess. New to this appointment, they found she had a swollen lymph node in her leg that could be due to inflammation or cancer as well, so that's fun. This is not counting in Olive, who we haven't gotten a senior screen for but should because she's reabsorbing a tooth and should probably get dental work but they don't know if that would kill her in the process because of her age. Sigh.

And we're considering children at some point?!

This weekend has been pretty low-key otherwise. Usual chores and such. We also went to brunch today for an early celebration for my dad's birthday, which was nice, no drama, and tasty. Otherwise, my head is in a weird place, but at least I also have the day off tomorrow. Not much else to report now, I suppose.

I had a dream that I was back in college and dating Chris again, only I figured out later I'm married and felt really bad about it. My dream self then decided to debate who was the best out of him, Austin and Mike, and of course, Mike came out on top for several reasons, which made me feel even worse for kissing and having feelings for someone behind his back.

I woke up alone. Of course. Mike's in Livermore.

I realized today that it's been close to if not exactly ten years since I've seen Chris. If I felt like digging, I could figure out the precise day, but it doesn't really matter. As far as I know, he's long gone from here. Not too many months after that, I started up with Austin, and that relationship remains the longest I've ever been in, but not for too much longer. (May of next year will crush that record if you're curious.) Austin lives closer to me, but I haven't seen him in maybe four and a half years? Just after I started working here but before I moved, I think.

I've known Very Pretty for almost fourteen years. (How's that for weird, eh college roommate?) Certain other friends have come and gone in that period. Before her, my longest friendship lasted twelve years before I severed ties. Most of the people I grew up with I either don't talk to or don't know anymore outside of facebook, and that's okay.

Recently, I've been downsizing my friend's list there. I had a strong reaction to seeing pictures of someone I went on one pseudo date with after breaking up with Austin which didn't go anywhere because he had some derogatory things to say about gay people at the end of it. I literally know more about him through his facebook than I do from the time I spent in real life with him, and I decided I didn't care at all about him. Then I looked around and decided I didn't care about a lot of people, and suddenly I was below 120 friends on facebook.

I've probably spent a little too much time thinking about how social contacts used to work. I seem to recall in pre-internet times being able to entirely fall out of touch with someone over the course of your life, to the point where you hardly (if ever) think about them if they didn't mean anything to you. Also, it was a lot harder to look someone up if you ever had a passing whim about them, let alone a search engine at your fingertips begging you to find out, hey, that person lives this sort of life now! Isn't that interesting and not at all ultimately useless? Perhaps this sounds cruel and weird of me, but I've been feeling like that antiquated process would be preferable to the many slow deaths of relationships you experience over social media--people ghosting out of your life instead of reminding you every once in a while what they ate for dinner and how much you've both changed and disagree now. Lives coming together then drifting apart. The same old story told by different players.

I guess I'm mostly tired of caring about people who wouldn't notice if I suddenly disappeared. Yeah, I guess that makes me an asshole.

My dad was here yesterday and looked at one of the paintings I have on my wall. He said it was amazing because my Uncle John painted one almost exactly like it, down to the circles and color scheme. My mom said I was my uncle's niece. I wish I could have gotten to know him as an adult. He's been gone for fourteen years. I miss him.

But here we are, and time is short. It seems to be getting shorter all the time.

Riding in the car with Austin and his dad earlier--

Austin said, "Do you mind if I change it to top 40 hits?"

Austin's dad agreed. A few minutes later, he said, "Wait, this isn't right. I thought you meant hits of the 40s."

HA!

EDIT: Also forgot this little tid-bit--

Little Austin asked if Austin's mustache was real. I said it was, and he rubbed his fingers over it.

He said, "It doesn't feel real. Can I feel the other side?" He felt it. "No, still doesn't feel real."

Double ha.

The sun is like a honey
and then there's more poem after that

(I guess he doesn't like poetry.)

Cinco de Mayo fell on date night with Austin yesterday. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, mostly because I like Mexican food but didn't feel like cooking or spending a ton of money. Then it came to me!

"Let's go to both Taco Bell and Del Taco!"

So we did. Fake Mexican food for everyone.

(I also found an $8 copy of this game on PC. It normally retails for $40! Score! Everyone else's loss is my gain! Now, when will I have time to play it?)

To Do (Not all necessarily today):

-Start deposition summaries (Yay!)
-Finish Aurora's gift (Cutting it close this year! Sorry about the missed call yesterday too.)
-Finish wrapping
-Decorate tree (Three days left and it only has lights that Siobhan put on it. Pathetic, I know.)
-Vacuum, clean couches of cat hair
-Exercise, shower
-Laundry maybe?
-Figure out TMCC paycheck?
-Quit babbling about nothing and get to work.

That last one might be the hardest of all.

The weekend was good. Austin and I made cookies and decided the cookie press is broken even though we've only used it twice since I received it last year. Oh well. Mom said it was cheap anyway. Also got the last of my shopping done hopefully and ate pizza from Blind Onion. Sounds like a success even though we never got around to doing puzzles like Austin wanted.

And it's trying to snow again. There goes my intention of taking a walk. Or does it?

My horoscope says this today:
Today's Leo Horoscope
Nov 17, 2008

It is time for you to refill the well of your soul, dear Leo. So much of your life is spent in service to others that it is only natural that you will feel drained from time to time. Rather than trying to push past this feeling and going on as though nothing were the matter, you might instead consider it a sign that something is amiss in your life. If you are feeling unappreciated, admit it. You have spent too much of your life putting others' happiness before your own. It is time to change your priorities.

Meanwhile, I have a huge practice set due in a week that I've made little headway on. I can't find the motivation to work on it today, and there's lots of stuff due this week. (Two briefs, several missed chapters to read, a new assignment in class today, a group presentation coming up, an interview, medical terminology quizzes, stuff I've forgotten surely...)

I hardly have any viable food in the house that isn't scrounged from the freezer. I can't even make macaroni and cheese because I keep forgetting to buy milk. If it weren't for Austin making fish last night and my mom bringing me a sandwich from Carson this afternoon, I don't know what I would have eaten. Ramen with corn in it perhaps? A bag full of cereal? Leftover Halloween candy? Ah, who am I kidding? Go grocery shopping, damn it!

Augh. Do I really have to fight with you, horoscope? I don't have time to waste, yet here I am, wasting it. Maybe I'll try finishing my medical terminology homework early so I have time to work on this later. That could work... Or maybe I'll just spend the next few hours job hunting and aimlessly surfing the internet.

No, no, no...

EDIT: Just tried to register for next semester, and it's telling me I haven't met prerequisites even though I'm in the prerequisite classes necessary right now. Oh, this bodes well.

What's going on then? How about the short version. If you want to hear details about anything, leave a comment and I'll respond. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I'll forget to give you more.

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That brings us up to today, which was uneventful unless you count my productive cleaning earlier. Why can I only be productive when I'm avoiding doing other things? I'll be kicking myself for not researching at all this weekend later. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.

-Had a delightful time with Aurora on Friday even if it was a little short and I ate way too much at Chevy's

-Keep forgetting to mention movies I've seen. Quick review time! Tropic Thunder was entertaining but not the best movie I've ever seen. Pretty funny but kind of long for what it was. Ghost Town was a cute little piece of fluff with added awkward moments. Coming from Ricky Gervais, I would expect nothing less!

-Had half a garden burger and Caesar salad with Austin at Newman's for lunch. The burger was delicious, maybe even better than regular meat burgers! (I am biased, though. I don't really like hamburgers.) I have to admit I have completely fallen off the vegetarian wagon, though. Oops. Guess I'll just be an omnivore for now.

-Played Sims for way too long yesterday to make up for doing homework on a Saturday. Oy, my eyes.

-It's good I looked at my syllabus concerning said homework, though. I thought I had another week after this to do the other half of my research (another ten pages of questions on top of the nine I attempted this weekend), but really they're due a week from today. Good thing I thought ahead somewhat.

-It's trying to rain outside, and I can't decide whether I should change for class or not. You want to be cold or what?

-Lastly (because I really should head out soon), I woke up with some killer allergies or something this morning. My eyes stung and were watery while my nose dripped and made a general nuisance of itself with copious sneezing. What the heck? This isn't new, but I always forget. And I thought I liked fall.

OK, need to go now.

Oh, uh... Hi.

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Austin and I went to lunch with his dad at Sushi 7 this afternoon. It was actually fairly pleasant, and I was really glad that his dad could drive and move around with his walker as well as he did. Austin told me that going to lunch and being more independent were two of the major reasons his dad wanted out of the hospital, so it was really cool to see him out and about after worrying for six months about how this was all going to go. Hopefully it will only get better from here.

Sometimes, the little things make you fall in love with life all over again.