Process

I had an entry here-- thoughts about memories of related events popping up at inopportune times and causing unwanted and intense feelings of unrest even when I'm happy. My brain likes to talk when I least expect it, usually about things I'd rather forget that still manage to cause embarrassment or anger long after they're over. I wrote about how upset I was this morning remembering something I did years ago and how those years have heaped experience on top of this event and skewed it into something it never was before.

(And I still like this line at the end of that string of thoughts-- I end up simultaneously wanting to apologize for my past self and punch certain people in the face.)

Still, after that I tried to write about how I've learned over the years how little it helps to dwell on these things and how it's gotten easier to let them go given the right amount of perspective and time. Regardless of what's happened and how badly I've screwed up sometimes, I want to believe that all these experiences have lead me here and helped me become the person I am now, in this moment. As annoyed as I get a lot of the time, I also somewhat appreciate it.

I sat here staring at those words for a while and thought, "You know what? You should actually do that instead of just writing about it."

So, here's this entry instead.