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howeverbriefThere's no time for both.
It gets harder and harder to tell the difference. I used to have many conversations about how certain seemingly opposing interests are actually two sides of the same coin. They repel each other, but they are also intrinsically bound, spinning away from each other back to back in near perpetual motion. Nothing can go on forever, though. You either need more fuel for that passion or it flashes and fizzles out leaving behind the burns of lessons hard learned. I haven't found a surefire way to keep that going. What do you do when you've had nearly everything on your list, but you still wind up with nothing? What makes you stay alive?
Burning the list, I guess. Starting from scratch with little expectations so you're not surprised or disappointed if nothing happens.
I will not say it is getting any easier. I sit here and wonder what I am doing, if I'm going in the right direction, if there is any way to know when there are a multitude of possibilities and so many places to get things wrong. I say a lot of stupid things and feel immediately foolish, like I should take them back; but I can't snatch things out of the air and shove them back in my throat once they're out, just as I can't squeeze other people's necks to prevent them from saying things I don't want to hear but must. I can't change what's happened, but moving forward breeds uncertainty.
My mantra for the past year has been, "It is what it is." It doesn't really solve anything. I try very hard to believe that acceptance of specific inevitabilities is better than fighting the tide, as if that will somehow prevent these pensive mood-swings and make things dull but predictable. Still, I've believed in impossible things my whole life without really having any reason, and lots of strange things happen without provocation and despite my approach or reaction to life anyway. I'm not sure these concepts play well together or if everything is mere coincidence, and jumbled at that. Such is the non-specific opposing forces/sides of the coin debate that continues to be just out of my reach.
I'm still struggling a bit, but I know very well there are certain things you can't go back to no matter how much you miss them. It's never the same. Life waits for no one but definitely knows how to stage a surprise exit even if you're nowhere near ready for it. Best to move onward and upward, thumbing your nose at the things you can't do anything about. Whatever that means will sort itself out in the end.
You can fall in love with something every day.
Every day that something can also break your heart.
It gets harder and harder to tell the difference. I used to have many conversations about how certain seemingly opposing interests are actually two sides of the same coin. They repel each other, but they are also intrinsically bound, spinning away from each other back to back in near perpetual motion. Nothing can go on forever, though. You either need more fuel for that passion or it flashes and fizzles out leaving behind the burns of lessons hard learned. I haven't found a surefire way to keep that going. What do you do when you've had nearly everything on your list, but you still wind up with nothing? What makes you stay alive?
Burning the list, I guess. Starting from scratch with little expectations so you're not surprised or disappointed if nothing happens.
I will not say it is getting any easier. I sit here and wonder what I am doing, if I'm going in the right direction, if there is any way to know when there are a multitude of possibilities and so many places to get things wrong. I say a lot of stupid things and feel immediately foolish, like I should take them back; but I can't snatch things out of the air and shove them back in my throat once they're out, just as I can't squeeze other people's necks to prevent them from saying things I don't want to hear but must. I can't change what's happened, but moving forward breeds uncertainty.
My mantra for the past year has been, "It is what it is." It doesn't really solve anything. I try very hard to believe that acceptance of specific inevitabilities is better than fighting the tide, as if that will somehow prevent these pensive mood-swings and make things dull but predictable. Still, I've believed in impossible things my whole life without really having any reason, and lots of strange things happen without provocation and despite my approach or reaction to life anyway. I'm not sure these concepts play well together or if everything is mere coincidence, and jumbled at that. Such is the non-specific opposing forces/sides of the coin debate that continues to be just out of my reach.
I'm still struggling a bit, but I know very well there are certain things you can't go back to no matter how much you miss them. It's never the same. Life waits for no one but definitely knows how to stage a surprise exit even if you're nowhere near ready for it. Best to move onward and upward, thumbing your nose at the things you can't do anything about. Whatever that means will sort itself out in the end.
You can fall in love with something every day.
Every day that something can also break your heart.
